Small Town, Big Nanny

A couple of weeks ago me & my friend Big Nanny were in a funk.

She was sad because her best friend Sumer had just gotten the "sell everything you own and move to Africa" call from God and actually went through with it.

I was sad because Big Nanny had loaned me THIS BOOK to read. It was moving and inspirational and I couldn't seem to put it down. It was also like reading my own experience word for word and stirred up all sorts of feelings I hadn't felt in a while.

So, there we were, in a funk and needing a little distraction. It was actually the day we usually take our kids to pool playgroup but as luck would have it, both of us had sent our kids to camp for the week. So we asked ourselves, do we really want to go to the pool with no kids and be met with a group of friends with so many kids that they'll feel obligated to share? The answer was a resounding "no". So we decided to go all Thelma & Louise and ditch playgroup for a little road trip adventure.

Heading down to Mt. Pleasant was my idea. You all know how I love me some small town charm and Mt. Pleasant it very close to school so I've become quite familiar with it in the past couple of years......or so I thought. I really just wanted to take Big Nanny to one of my favorite restaurants, The Mt. Pleasant Grille. It's got great food, a great atmosphere and killer desserts. Big Nanny chose the chocolate cake:

I chose the hot caramel sundae:

There's nothing like a little girl talk and a 2000 calorie dessert to chase away the blues. Once we had adequately stuffed ourselves we decided to venture out and walk amongst the townspeople. We wanted to see what kind of excitement this little town had to offer.

Our first stop was Doc's Snack Shop right across the street where, according to the sign, you could get a pick-me-up. What you can't see if the other window which advertised compressed air to go with your snack. Man, that Doc thinks of everything.

Here in the Bible belt it's no secret that we can work Jesus into just about anything. But this was the first time I'd seen it done with manicures.
Once we rounded the corner we found what is certainly Mt. Pleasant's shopping hub:

Yes, we went in. Yes, we saw Bob. No, we didn't stay long. But as we headed down the street we noticed that Bob actually had an even more exclusive location:

On our way out of town we found what is most certainly Mt. Pleasant's greatest tourist attraction. May I present, The Big Bible:

Big Nanny was very impressed that it was KJV. I was disappointed that Big Nanny was the first one to spot it. I've been to this town at least 6 times and I'd never spotted The Big Bible? How is that even possible?

On our way out of town I gave her the ultimate honor. She was the first one of my Peeps to get a grand tour of ZCA. I showed her my desk and the computer lab, the laminator, the teacher break room, The Ocho's classrooms, the gym-a-cafi-torium, the exact spot whereI stood to work the car-line and the playground which is best known as the scene of the unfortunate ukulele incident.

I think she was impressed with our little school and it made me happy to share it with her.

After the tour we decided to cruise the streets of Columbia. We picked up some refreshments at Sonic and went looking for trouble. Once we realized there wasn't a whole lot of trouble for middle-aged women to get into at 2:00 in the afternoon, we headed home.

We never got arrested, picked up a hitchhiker that looked like Brad Pitt or drove off a cliff, but we also didn't have to find anybody's swim goggles or listen to anybody argue over squirt guns.

It was a fun afternoon. We managed a few laughs and forgot our troubles for a few hours. I think that would make Thelma & Louise proud.

Nobody's checkin' me out anymore

Yesterday The Ocho and I ventured into the big city. We had plans to meet RubyDooby & cousin Alex for lunch and our first (of many, I'm sure) viewings of "Toy Story 3".

I will pause briefly to insert my movie review: 2 THUMBS WAY UP!!! Really, really good. And yes, I cried like a baby.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

I decided to take advantage of this trip to town and run a few errands before lunch. First stop was Wal-Mart, which proved remarkably uneventful. Something that would prove comforting by the end of the day.

Second stop, TJ Maxx. I was looking for some cute summer tops for myself and perhaps a Sunday dress for The Ocho. It was my first trip to TJ Maxx in a while and I was surprised to find they had done a little remodeling while I was away. Gone were the aisle registers of old. Now they had the way more hip and cool counter registers. You know the really long counter with 12 registers lined up behind it, fancy flashing number boxes above and a velvet rope entrance with the ever-intimidating "Please wait for next available register" sign.

(This set up has always bothered me. I mean, why do I need to be treated like I'm waiting outside The Viper Room in LA for some 17 year old clerk to decide whether I'm cool enough to come in to her club and buy tube socks??)

So, after finding a couple of cute dresses for LO we proceeded to the register counter to check out. Of course, to find the register you must first navigate the velvet rope maze and shelves of impulse items strategically placed to obstruct your view and make you feel like you're in that maze from The Shining and there's No. Way. Out.

Well, we finally found an entrance with a young girl behind the register, although her back was turned to us. There was a woman leaned against the velvet ropes right ahead of me texting on her phone. I waited for a few seconds for her to move to the register. I assumed she was waiting for the coveted nod-of-favor before approaching. The girl behind the counter looked up, saw me and then turned back around. The texting woman then turned and said "I'm not in line. Go ahead." So I did.

Then it happened.

The register girl whips around and says "Are you wanting to purchase or return because this register is for RETURNS ONLY!!. If you want to purchase you'll need to go to out and around to that register DOWN THERE!!!." The she pointed to the register and the other end of the counter which was both visible and accessible from where I was standing. But noooooooo. She made it clear I had to exit the velvet rope maze and walk around to the other entrance to check out. Clearly, this was the only power she has yet to possess in her young life so I chuckled at her self-importance and agreed to take the walk of shame.

Of course, once we navigated our way out and found the other entrance, 2 people had jumped in line ahead of me. By this point The Ocho was antsy that we were going to be late for our lunch date. While we were waiting another clerk opened up and both registers were clear of customers at the same time. It appeared that we might finally convince somebody in this store to take our money!

Then it happened.

As I stepped forward, proud to finally have a shot at being the chosen one, Register 11 clerk walked away and Register 12 clerk flicked the switch of doom and said "We're closed. You'll need to take your items DOWN THERE!!" And she pointed. Where, you ask?

To Register 1, of course. Where this entire nightmare began.

Then it happened.

I laughed. Out loud. Really loud.

As I approached Register 1, Little Miss Returns Only was waiting for me with a huge smile and a warm ""Good afternoon ma'am. How may I help you?" greeting. I kid you not. It was as if we'd never laid eyes on each other.

I laughed again. I decided that what I wanted to say might not be exactly what Jesus would want me to say so I kept it to myself and decided to count it all joy.

We left the store, had a nice lunch and I relayed my story to RubyDooby. We had a good laugh and headed to the theater where I reluctantly stepped back into a line of waiting customers.

Theater management, obviously prepared for the summer movie season and one of the biggest movies of the year, decided it would be prudent to have 2 of their available 15 or so counters open for ticket sales. Of course, both counters had their respective velvet rope maze.

We chose rope-maze number 2 which coincided with counter #2. Ever so slowly, both lines inched closer and I watched with pride as RubyDooby and Alex were called forward and granted permission to fork over a week's pay for 2 movie tickets. Soon, it would be our turn and this long national nightmare would be over.

Then, it happened.

As I took a step forward to approached counter #2, the clerk poked her head out the window and yelled to the customer waiting at velvet rope maze #1 and said "I can help you right here!"

No. I'm not kidding.

At that point it wasn't just me who was confused. RubyDooby let out a very loud "WHATT???!?!?!?!?!". The people behind me said "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON???!?!?!?!?" And me? I just laughed. Again. Of course, I also broke every velvet rope law in the country and took my place directly behind that customer without being told it was my turn. As soon as she left I blurted out the tickets I needed and shoved my money under the counter without giving Little Miss Movie Ticket Power Monger the chance to offer her help. Clearly, she had no intention of offering it to me anyway.

I wish this was the only the first.....and second.....time this has happened to me. But it's not. Late last year I posted about an unfortunate incident at our local Publix which I posted HERE.

Perhaps there was some sort of cosmic, nuclear incident years ago that bestowed upon me the superpower of invisibility at check out counters. I'm not sure.

But if you ever see me standing in line at a store you should totally try and get behind me. It will most certainly secure your place in front of me.

Happy Camper

The following is a list of all the reasons The Little Ocho is not cut out for church camp:

1. She doesn't do well in large groups of complete strangers. She tends to withdraw and wait nervously for the nightmare to be over. Our camp had about 170 kids and around 50 camp counselors, most of which she didn't know.

2. She's irresponsible. Camp requires that each child keep up with their own stuff. She's been known to lose one of her shoes inside a moving vehicle. Keeping up with stuff is not her spiritual gift.

3. She needs a minimum of 10 snacks per day. Campers were not allowed to bring snacks nor was their an allotted snack time during the day. If you wanted one, you had to buy it from the camp store. She spent most of her money on a stuffed animal on Day 2. (see #2)

4. She's high-maintenance. She needs at least 20 minutes of shower time, 15 minutes of hair-combing time, 10 minutes of picking-out-my-outfit time and 20 minutes of I-can't-find-my-shoes time. Campers were allowed 3 minute showers and around 10 minutes for everything else, including finding their shoes. (see #2)

5. She's not competitive or outdoorsy. She likes the pool and she'll take an occasional nature-hike, but most of her hobbies include air-conditioning, a comfortable place to sit and absolutely no girl-boy interaction. Camp requires a lot of outside activity. Like games. With boys. And if you're fair-skinned and prone to at least 10 mosquito bites everytime you face the daylight, you must apply your own sunscreen and bug spray. Plus, you usually have to wear shoes. (see #2)

So, given all of this you can understand my reservations. I wasn't totally convinced she was ready.

But her best friend Morgan was going. And our brand new children's pastor (and our good friend) was going. And his lovely wife (and my good friend) Beth offered to make sure she was her camp counselor. And 2 of the most beautiful, responsible, spiritually mature and all-around most-awesome teenage girls ever (Shout-out to Molly & Hannah!) were the other counselors in her cabin. Obviously God had made provisions to cover all of my fears. So we signed her up and spent an entire week worrying and wondering.

Would she dare to speak a word to anyone besides Morgan and Beth all week? Was she burnt to a crisp after day one? Had she already contracted Lyme disease by day 2? Was she walking around all week with only 1 flip flop? Had she been forced to hold hands with a boy during a game and fled the scene crying, never to be heard from again?

Yesterday I waited anxiously in our church sanctuary to see what would greet me. What I saw was a huge smile, a freckled nose and a sweet hand holding a beautiful necklace. She'd used the money not spent on stuffed animals to buy me a present...sniff, sniff. Yes, I had a moment.

She looked taller. And older. And happy. Really happy.

She talked non-stop about her new friends Emma, Megan & Julia. She talked about how fun Molly and Hannah were. She talked about how glad she was to get to know Ella, Kaitlyn and Caden better. She talked about the team games and Bible study and her time alone with God. She said her favorite part was worship. The food was "not terrible...except the mac & cheese and the omelets. They were terrible." She talked about her only regret of the week (she was too shy to ask Molly to braid her hair). She talked and talked and talked. Then she said she can't wait to go back next year.

But the first thing she talked about was how responsible she had been. She was proud to report that she didn't get sunburned once and remembered her bug spray every day. And the only thing she lost? One sock. ONE SOCK!

This morning things have been a little different at our house. The little girl who usually gets up at 6:00 crawled out of bed at 7:30. After breakfast (and more talking about camp), instead of turning on cartoons, she sat on the couch with her Bible, a notebook and a pen.

Her first camp experience turned out to be a week she'll remember forever and has changed her for the better in more ways than one. Thanks to everybody who worked so hard and poured so much into our kids!


Side note: On the last day, each child was given a paper plate award. Due to the extraordinary efforts of Handiman, The Entourage and myself, The Ocho was presented with this:

She racked up 8 letters in 5 days! And one of them had cash in it. (Of course, she only sent one letter from camp and none of us were the recipient. Figures.)

Powers of persuasion

I just spent the past 5 hours cleaning out my daughter's room. And when I say cleaning out, I mean it.

She's usually gone for weeks at a time during the summer on exotic vacations with grandparents or friends so I've always utilized that time to purge unwanted Happy Meal toys and the stacks of drawings and coloring pages that accumulate in her desk drawers. This year Cross Camp afforded me the opportunity a little earlier in the summer than normal.

I started with the closet and worked my way around. I went through every toy bin, every basket, every drawer, every shelf, every everything.

And oh the treasures I found. Many of them caused me to get a little weepy since I'm on the cusp of losing my baby girl to tweendome any second now. And it certainly didn't help when that sweet song by Darius Rucker came on the radio. You know, the one about a little girl growing up. Have you heard it?

It won’t be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah, this phase is gonna fly by
So, he's tryin’ to hold on
‘Cause it won’t be like this for long

Yeah. I might have cursed Darius Rucker and all he holds dear in that moment. I can't really remember.

Anyway, as I was sorting through the mountains of stuff I started noticing a trend. It started with an old cut-out picture I found stuck in her toy box. Then it was the front of an old diary. Then it was the cover of a DS game. One by one I found them. And they all looked exactly like this:


Now, I have tried to be careful about listing our reasons for not supporting MC and the HM empire any longer. I've used words like "bad choices" and "disappointing behavior". I'm pretty sure I never said "devil with a pitchfork" or "pirate with a missing tooth". But I suppose the message has gotten through loud and clear. Especially since I tend to roll my eyes or make a face like I just swallowed a bug whenever she comes on TV.

As much as I would love to lecture The Ocho on why we don't deface things that Mommy, Daddy & Santa paid good money for, I can't do it. So,let this be a lesson to anyone out there who might have a picture of themselves somewhere in our home. Don't start making bad choices or exhibiting disappointing behavior. The Ocho has a Sharpie and she's obviously not afraid to use it.

All over the place

This post is going to be a little erratic. I tried to find a witty title or some way to tie it all together but I'm not clever enough. So here is a little of what happened over the weekend at my house.

First and foremost, may I present the completed Wall of Wood:

Big shout out to all those who were forced by Handiman to "volunteer" their time in making this project a reality: Papa Gator, Uncle Drew, Stevie C., P.J., Rob (the mailbox murderer), Cousin Brian and of course, The Little Ocho.

Molly was finally released into the freedom of the backyard without a leash on Saturday night and discovered a whole new world exists beyond her pillow bed and food bowl. She's rolled around in the grass, chased a bird and found that she is the exact same shade as the mounds of dirt that are still piled up around the posts, therefore she can lay on them completely camouflaged and watch us run around like idiots yelling her name because we think she's escaped.

While Handiman was busy completing the fence Saturday morning, The Ocho & I went to volunteer our time at church. Sunday was the first day back in our main building since the big flood and they needed lots of help cleaning and moving furniture to get ready for our Sunday School classes. We spent a couple of hours there and I thought it best to document it to prove that she can, in fact, do manual labor when forced.
Saturday night was spent with my Peeps celebrating Tracey's upcoming 40th birthday. For those of you expecting funny costumes, a dance video or a pyramid picture I'm sorry to disappoint. We went an unusual route with this party. Since Tracey recently returned from a mission trip in Africa and her family has decided to pursue the adoption of 2 boys who live in the trash dumps in Ethiopia, per her request we made this party more mission-minded.

It just so happened that Amazima Ministries (the organization run by Katie Davis that allows us to sponsor Mary in Uganda) was having a fundraiser in Franklin and Katie herself was speaking. Once Tracey proposed the idea as her birthday party we were on it and our group bought a table. What a blessing it was to hear Katie speak and see with our own eyes her heart for what she is doing over there. It was overwhelming to look around a room of over 500 people knowing that the event was not publicized at all. Everyone was there strictly by word of mouth. Truly a God thing.

At the end of the dinner we had a picture made with Katie. She's a tiny young woman but a giant for the kingdom of God. (Thanks for the pic Ash!)


Sunday morning was our first time teaching Ocho's Sunday school class. We have the sweetest group of kids imaginable and the best co-teachers known to man (Serious shout-out to Jon & Tonya! You rock!) I guess it went OK. Nobody's spiritual walk was seriously derailed and I think they'll all come back next week so I'll count it a success.

And now it's time for Conversations with The Ocho. Which I suppose is a little like Silly Songs with Larry. Only in blog form.

Sunday afternoon we were traveling to RubyDooby's for lunch when we noticed 2 helicopters circling over Cool Springs Galleria. Here is the conversation that followed:

Handiman: Hey look at those helicopters Ocho! Wonder what they're doing?

Ocho: I don't know. Maybe somebody needs a Lifeway.

Me: (snickering sarcastically) A Lifeway? Do you think they're having some sort of Christian Book emergency? I think you mean Lifeflight.

Ocho: (realizing her mistake) Oh! Right! ....... (then, with equaled sarcasm) Or maybe somebody just really needs Jesus.

Ladies and gentleman, I believe I may have met my match.

Which brings me to why this post is so random and disjointed. You see, it's taken me about an hour to put this post together. And that's an hour that I wasn't thinking about this morning when I put the sweetest, funniest, best part of my life on a bus and sent her to Cross Camp for an entire week with 200 other kids.

When I got home I actually dusted and mopped just to keep from worrying and wondering what's she's doing. That's how desperate I am for a distraction! Of course, I have every expectation that she'll lose half her belongings and she'll forget to put sunscreen on the tops of her feet or spray insect repellent on at all. I never saw myself as a control freak until the past 2 days, but I am. I really, really am.

That's why as much as I know this week is about her drawing closer to Jesus and become a little more responsible, it's also about me learning to let go.


I suddenly feel the urge to wash windows.

Some things never change

I'm probably going to be coming here to whine alot in the next several years so you might as well get used to it. My little girl is growing up and to be honest, it's kinda making me nauseous.

I don't like the talks we're being forced to have or the books we're having to look at together (but if you're the parent of a young girl and it's being forced upon you too, I highly recommend THIS book.)

I don't like the way she rolls her eyes at Dora the Explorer and refuses to watch Little Einsteins. Even if I beg.

And I probably would have been highly upset at her taking the Hannah Montana poster off her wall and asking to replace it with The Jonas Brothers if I weren't so anti-Miley and pro-JB right now. Honestly, that moment made me very proud and happy.

Funny thing is, while she's growing up in many ways, in some ways she's still very much a child and I'm trying to encourage her to hold onto that as long as possible. She still loves her Barbies. She still loves to play pretend. And she still occasionally likes to pop in a Veggie Tales DVD.

I'm beginning to notice that all of that puts her in an odd place among her peers. That became very obvious last weekend when her long-time friend Selah came over to visit.

Selah's always been a little older but the age difference never really made a difference until now. Selah's going to middle school next year and has pretty much said goodbye to Barbies and playing pretend.

Last Saturday, I watched the two of them walk around our house looking for something they both still enjoyed. One probably wanted to listen to music and talk. The other probably wanted to organize a pool party for Barbie and her friends.

They eventually settled on board games but I could tell things were different now. And that made me sad.

Yesterday, we invited Selah over again. This time we were going to the pool so that meant there would at least be a couple of hours of common ground. But once we got home I'll be honest, I dreaded the awkwardness for both of them.

Back in the day of preschool playgroup, within 10 minutes we would usually find the girls like this:

A year or so later their tastes matured and they moved from Disney Princesses to Barbie Princesses. So, we usually found them like this:

A couple of years down the road they were feeling stifled by the cookie-cutter princess couture and preferred to expresses their dress-up individuality. We'd often find them like this:

So yesterday, just as I was ready to cry a river over one more piece of childhood that was slipping away, I walked in to find this:

For a moment, time stood still. They looked ridiculous. I was so proud.

Here's to hoping that some things never change.

Something New

I've come to this place many times in the past few weeks. I click "new post" and then I stare at the blank space for a few seconds, become anxious about what to fill it with and just decide to close it and play spider solitaire.

I've become obsessed with Spider Solitaire, by the way. I'd never tried it until my friend Karen suggested it. Now it consumes my existence. So, thanks Karen. Thank alot.

So, there's something new in my life. Spider Solitaire. Let's see....what else....

Oh! I know! Our privacy fence. Handiman finally got that little project underway over Memorial Day weekend. And, for the record, we're not trying to be un-neighborly. Even though I'm pretty sure our neighbors don't really care for us anyway. But, should they ever decide to be friendly, they are more than welcome to walk around our privacy fence and come to the front door for a visit. The fence is actually the result of trying to sell our house for....let's see.....the last, what has it been? Oh yeah. 5 STINKIN' YEARS. Everybody who ever came to look at the house said the same thing. "Needs a fence." So a fence it shall have. We're not trying to sell right now, but next spring maybe we'll give it another shot. And when we do, I'm sure they'll find something new to complain about. Speaking of something new, did I mention I'm only working part-time next year?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I did. But what I didn't mention is the completely unexpected opportunity that presented itself in the last 2 weeks of the school year. I've been given the chance to teach music classes to our preschool and kindergarten classes on Wednesdays which will also allow me to continue leading chapel music. It's been a total God thing. So to recap, I will be teaching computer Tuesday & Thursday, music on Wednesday, off on Monday & Friday and most importantly.....I will not spend every morning in the car line. Hallelujah and Amen.

Speaking of teaching, this Sunday will bring something new. Handiman and I will be, for the first time in the history of our relationship, teaching a children's Sunday School class. 4th grade Sunday School to be exact. And yes, this is the Ocho's class. She is over the moon that her Daddy is going to her teacher. Me, not so much. Been there. Done that. But him? So. Happy.

I can't bring myself to break it to her that he's probably going to go out of his way to embarrass her. It may be by breakdancing. Or by using a story about her potty training as a lesson illustration. Or by using words like "dispensationalism" while teaching. She's so looking forward to it that now's not the time to burst her balloon.

She's made it clear what my job needs to be. This past year she has loved her Sunday School teachers and more than once proclaimed it the "Best! Class! Ever!" So, I asked for some ideas of things they had done that we might continue. "Donuts Mommy. Just bring donuts."

Got it.

While we're on the subject of The Ocho, let me just say that she's bringing the "something new" to our life in accelerated fashion. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say she's growing up. She's changing, maturing and forcing me to have uncomfortable conversations. And I don't like it. Not one bit. I hate the word puberty. Just the sound of it is awful. The reality of it is even awfuler.

So, here I am. I have a new game to waste my time, a new fence to keep out the riff-raff, a new job to prepare for and a new set of parenting problems. And I didn't even get into the void that losing "Lost" has given me. I guess now I have to find a new TV show too.

Hey look! I rambled so much random nonsense that I managed to write a new post. Now I feel completely justified in treating myself to a little Spider Solitaire.