I will pause briefly to insert my movie review: 2 THUMBS WAY UP!!! Really, really good. And yes, I cried like a baby.
Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.
I decided to take advantage of this trip to town and run a few errands before lunch. First stop was Wal-Mart, which proved remarkably uneventful. Something that would prove comforting by the end of the day.
Second stop, TJ Maxx. I was looking for some cute summer tops for myself and perhaps a Sunday dress for The Ocho. It was my first trip to TJ Maxx in a while and I was surprised to find they had done a little remodeling while I was away. Gone were the aisle registers of old. Now they had the way more hip and cool counter registers. You know the really long counter with 12 registers lined up behind it, fancy flashing number boxes above and a velvet rope entrance with the ever-intimidating "Please wait for next available register" sign.
(This set up has always bothered me. I mean, why do I need to be treated like I'm waiting outside The Viper Room in LA for some 17 year old clerk to decide whether I'm cool enough to come in to her club and buy tube socks??)
So, after finding a couple of cute dresses for LO we proceeded to the register counter to check out. Of course, to find the register you must first navigate the velvet rope maze and shelves of impulse items strategically placed to obstruct your view and make you feel like you're in that maze from The Shining and there's No. Way. Out.
Well, we finally found an entrance with a young girl behind the register, although her back was turned to us. There was a woman leaned against the velvet ropes right ahead of me texting on her phone. I waited for a few seconds for her to move to the register. I assumed she was waiting for the coveted nod-of-favor before approaching. The girl behind the counter looked up, saw me and then turned back around. The texting woman then turned and said "I'm not in line. Go ahead." So I did.
Then it happened.
The register girl whips around and says "Are you wanting to purchase or return because this register is for RETURNS ONLY!!. If you want to purchase you'll need to go to out and around to that register DOWN THERE!!!." The she pointed to the register and the other end of the counter which was both visible and accessible from where I was standing. But noooooooo. She made it clear I had to exit the velvet rope maze and walk around to the other entrance to check out. Clearly, this was the only power she has yet to possess in her young life so I chuckled at her self-importance and agreed to take the walk of shame.
Of course, once we navigated our way out and found the other entrance, 2 people had jumped in line ahead of me. By this point The Ocho was antsy that we were going to be late for our lunch date. While we were waiting another clerk opened up and both registers were clear of customers at the same time. It appeared that we might finally convince somebody in this store to take our money!
Then it happened.
As I stepped forward, proud to finally have a shot at being the chosen one, Register 11 clerk walked away and Register 12 clerk flicked the switch of doom and said "We're closed. You'll need to take your items DOWN THERE!!" And she pointed. Where, you ask?
To Register 1, of course. Where this entire nightmare began.
Then it happened.
I laughed. Out loud. Really loud.
As I approached Register 1, Little Miss Returns Only was waiting for me with a huge smile and a warm ""Good afternoon ma'am. How may I help you?" greeting. I kid you not. It was as if we'd never laid eyes on each other.
I laughed again. I decided that what I wanted to say might not be exactly what Jesus would want me to say so I kept it to myself and decided to count it all joy.
We left the store, had a nice lunch and I relayed my story to RubyDooby. We had a good laugh and headed to the theater where I reluctantly stepped back into a line of waiting customers.
Theater management, obviously prepared for the summer movie season and one of the biggest movies of the year, decided it would be prudent to have 2 of their available 15 or so counters open for ticket sales. Of course, both counters had their respective velvet rope maze.
We chose rope-maze number 2 which coincided with counter #2. Ever so slowly, both lines inched closer and I watched with pride as RubyDooby and Alex were called forward and granted permission to fork over a week's pay for 2 movie tickets. Soon, it would be our turn and this long national nightmare would be over.
Then, it happened.
As I took a step forward to approached counter #2, the clerk poked her head out the window and yelled to the customer waiting at velvet rope maze #1 and said "I can help you right here!"
No. I'm not kidding.
At that point it wasn't just me who was confused. RubyDooby let out a very loud "WHATT???!?!?!?!?!". The people behind me said "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON???!?!?!?!?" And me? I just laughed. Again. Of course, I also broke every velvet rope law in the country and took my place directly behind that customer without being told it was my turn. As soon as she left I blurted out the tickets I needed and shoved my money under the counter without giving Little Miss Movie Ticket Power Monger the chance to offer her help. Clearly, she had no intention of offering it to me anyway.
I wish this was the only the first.....and second.....time this has happened to me. But it's not. Late last year I posted about an unfortunate incident at our local Publix which I posted HERE.
Perhaps there was some sort of cosmic, nuclear incident years ago that bestowed upon me the superpower of invisibility at check out counters. I'm not sure.
But if you ever see me standing in line at a store you should totally try and get behind me. It will most certainly secure your place in front of me.
2 comments:
Bless your heart.....and Jesus would be proud of the way you handled yourself. I probably would have opened my BIG mouth.
It is a very good thing I was not with you. I'm just sayin'. :)
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