Up and Down

It seems I caused quite a stir on Facebook the other day. The Ocho and I had been to see the new movie "Up" with some friends and our experience was less than stellar.

I told my friends on the way out that I planned to blog about the movie and had already thought of a title: " 'UP'. It's a downer."

They laughed for the first time in 2 hours and we headed our separate ways. When I got home I updated my status on Facebook letting everyone know that I wasn't impressed with Pixar's latest installment. And a movie critic was born.

I had no idea how many people would take my opinion to heart and I'll admit I got a little excited at the prospect of manipulating the movie-going experiences of so many families. I also got a little taste of those who had seen it and come away with a different opinion, and that was OK. They have every right to be mistaken.

After thinking it over for a couple of days I've decided to clarify my position here. I'll give you my reasons for not liking it and then I'm retiring from the movie critic business. I prefer to live in a world where people like me.

When I go see a Pixar movie I'm expecting three things: Funny talking animals, sharp witty dialogue and a child with only one parent. "Up" only partially delivered. Sure, it had the dog with the talking collar but the funniest thing he does in the whole movie I'd already seen replayed a million times on the commercial which runs every 6 1/2 minutes on The Disney Channel.

As far as sharp witty dialogue goes, I suppose it had it's moments but I honestly can't think of one time the entire audience laughed out loud. There were some chuckles here and there but there was never one of those moments like I enjoyed in "Finding Nemo", "Toy Story 2" or even "Wall-E", which I'll admit began the trend of the "serious animated movie with a heart" thing they seem to have going on now.

The one thing it did deliver on was the kid with only one parent. That is the thing you can always count on with Disney. Except this time the parent isn't dead, he's just a dead-beat. Nice touch.

So, if you think your kids will enjoy a movie about an elderly man losing his wife and home, with a miscarriage thrown in for good measure (that's right, there is a miscarriage in a cartoon) then I wish you the best. But beware, they're going to charge you an $3.50 per person for those silly 3-D glasses on top of the already astronomical ticket price. So that little dose of depression is gonna cost extra.

Like I said, "UP". It's a downer.

(I will interject here that the movie wasn't a total waste of time. It was during the previews that I learned they are releasing "Toy Story 3" next summer!! I just hope it's not about Woody & Jesse getting a divorce.)

Great Expectations

Today we will conclude our very first week of the most anticipated summer vacation in history. And so far, it's surpassing expectations.

Monday we celebrated Memorial Day with our friends The Chapeks. We feasted on grilled chicken, corn on the cob & banana pudding before settling outside to watch the kids play. Eventually, a baseball game broke out with our kids, some kids from the neighborhood and 2 kids that masquerade as husbands and fathers during normal business hours. They, of course, were the two who ended up on the injury list by the end of the 4th inning.

Monday was also the day we solved the great "Mystery of the Disappearing Keys." I will not go into how I lost them on Saturday, scoured the entire premises for 2 days and had nightmares about the mad serial killer who stole them and envisioned exactly how our episode of "48 Hours Mystery" would play out. Because we found them. On Monday afternoon. On the tailgate of Handiman's truck. Seriously. I do not want to talk about it.

Tuesday the Ocho and I set out to Opry Mills for some shopping and good times. Not only did we have a gift certificate to the Rainforest Cafe, but we had also heard from our friend Nicole that there is now a Croc outlet and you can get a pair for $4.99. We were all. over. it. Ocho picked out a pair in Peacock Blue. She complemented them with a pair of sunglasses from Claire's and a stuffed lion from Rainforest Cafe, which was fabulous by the way. This was our first visit and we couldn't get over it. Very fun indeed.

After our mall excursion, I dropped the Ocho off at Grandma's for a sleepover with her cousin Alex. We all met up at the ballpark that night for the first softball tournament game of the season. There was a 30 minute rain delay but that gave me & Handiman time to gawk at Trace Adkins, who was watching his daughter play at the field next to us. This, in turn, led me to getting "You're Gonna Miss This" stuck in my head all night long. (When I hear it on the radio it always makes me cry. Am I the only one?") I tried to persuade Handiman to go over and mumble the words Honkeytonk Badonkadonk, but he refused. So, we left him alone. Because he could clearly crush us with his bare hands.

Wednesday was the day I had a glimpse into my former life. I spent the day at home alone, like I did back when Handiman was the only one working full time and the Ocho spent her days at school without me. I took a walk around the neighborhood, did a little housework, baked some lemon blossoms, watched a little TV and even took a nap. It was a bittersweet experience that I will treasure always.

Thursday was the day I had most looked forward to all week. We had a scheduled play day at the park with all my Peeps and all their little Peeps. The school year has found all of us scattered here and there and everywhere. It also caused me to be a little more disconnected than usual. I felt like we hadn't all been together in ages and it was so nice to sit and visit, plan our summer get-togethers and watch our kids play. I have missed my friends so much.

Besides re-discovering friends, naptime & lemon blossoms, I have made a few new discoveries this week as well. Like playing Family Feud online with the Ocho. I was always one of those people that shouted words like "idiot" and "ridiculous" at the TV contestants when they couldn't think of something you find in the backseat of a car that indicates it belongs to a mother. Until I froze on that question and struck out with 3 answers left. Car seat? Got it. Toys? Obviously. Then...I blanked.

Hello?!?!? A Baby.

Clearly, I am a ridiculous idiot.

Nevertheless, it has been fun playing every evening before bedtime. You know what else has been fun? Training up a child in the way she should go so that when she is old she will not depart from it.

Oh yeah. Summer is going way better than expected.

Odds & Ends

Now that you're up to speed on how I spent my time in the computer lab and the responsibilities I was given as a teacher's aid, it's time to visit the miscellaneous tasks I was handed over the school year.

During the interview process I was told I'd had 2 additional responsibilities each day; work the car line in the morning and the intercom system in the afternoon. I will confess that this revelation did not exactly fill my heart with joy. I knew the winter months would be torturous in the car line. And, quite frankly, the intercom system terrified me. But I overcame my fears and persevered.

I probably learned as much working car line for 45 minutes every morning as I did working in the classroom. You can tell a lot about a person by the kind of trash they have in their car. Especially when the trash that was in the backseat in August has only moved to the floorboard by May. (And, just in case you are one of those people who thinks that your car is the only car in the world that is filthy and repulsive, let me assure you it is not.)

And now, as a means of educating those of you who may not be aware of the car-rider line protocol, allow me to explain a few things. It is not the responsibility of the teacher opening your car door to EVER:

Finish getting your child dressed for school.
Make sure they packed their lunch.
Wait for them to finish their homework before they exit the vehicle.
Wait for them to finish watching a movie before they exit the vehicle.
Help them find a shoe in the back of your minivan.

Now that we're clear on all that, I'll introduce you to my partner Cindy:


She was the aid in our preschool this year and we worked the car line each and every morning together. We worked in the pouring rain and flood waters. We worked in the frigid winter mornings. And we FINALLY worked in the sunny springtime. We kinda had our own "good cop/bad cop" scenario happening. Can you guess which one I was?

Cindy is by nature very friendly and outgoing. I am by nature very task oriented and not exactly what you would call a morning person. Those parents who had Cindy open their car door were greeted with a friendly smile and warm greeting, even those who had forgotten to finish dressing their kids or couldn't find their lunchboxes or wanted to let them finish watching Veggie Tales before they got out of the car while it was 20 below and raining outside. Even THEN she spoke sweetly to them. Me? Not so much.

Next, let's talk about the intercom. To understand the complexity of this task you must be aware of the system we have in place during our dismissal hour. At 2:30 our school secretary Donna takes a walkie talkie to the edge of our parking lot and greets parents as they come to pick up their children. Because she is a brilliant, efficient and all-around awesome girl, she recoginizes each parent, aunt, uncle, babysitter and grandparent that comes and can recollect the names of the kids they are picking up instantaneously. It is a wonder to behold.

Once she sees the car, she would radio in the children's names to me. I would then announce them over the intercom system. Now, that sounds pretty simple until you take into account that they have to be released according to grade level. That meant I had to remember the child's name, their grade and their classroom in order to get it right. And because our intercom is located at the front desk and our school secretary was outside calling names, guess who had to answer the phone, greet incoming guests, hand out medicine and band-aids to students and watch PTF members count petty cash from the drawer WHILE CALLING NAMES FOR DISMISSAL?????????? That would be me. The first few weeks were rocky to say the least but after a while I mastered it. I was complemented more than once on my outstanding intercom vocal performance. I hate there's not a Grammy category for that.
So, on top of the car line and the intercom I also got a lot of substitute teacher experience. I spent an unfortunate day in 5th grade, a couple of trying days in 2nd grade and a very loooooooonnnnnnnnnng day in kindergarten. I had a more positive experience as the librarian for an entire week and got to be the music teacher one week too.

I gained a lot of great experience and made a lot of fun memories. And now, it is summer and there is much rejoicing in the land.

Repeating First Grade

If computer class was my learning experience and kindergarten was my trial by fire, then first grade was my comfort zone.

I spent at least 2 hours every Monday, Wednesday & Friday working with our 2 first grade classes and their teachers. Since I'm not that far removed from being a first grade room-mom, I went in feeling pretty secure in my abilities. It also helped that I've knew both teachers so well.

My main responsibility early on was to work with all the children on their reading and spend extra time with those who were struggling. I will never forget the sense of accomplishment I felt when one little girl I worked especially hard with made her first 100 on a vocabulary test. I also built a special rapport with a girl who has a learning disability. We would play phonics card games and eventually, the child who would never smile or look me in the eye was running to me in the mornings and asking if she could be the first one to read with me that day.

Since I'm usually one who gravitates towards the underdog, it would be easy to just dwell on the time I spent with those kids who needed my help the most. But the ones who didn't need me at all made quite an impression too. After 30 minutes of listening to a struggling reader, I always liked seeing the ones who could read at a 3rd grade level coming my way.

These two classes boasted quite a cast of characters. From Ian the dirt bike champion to Lilly the southern belle with a pet frog. There was Walker the philosopher & Tanner the comedian. Simeon the master story-teller & Seth the quiet gentleman. Malia gave the sweetest hugs & Emily had the sweetest smile. And then there was Sam.

I tried to convince the Ocho early on that when she got old enough to date, it might benefit her to give a younger man a chance. Of course, she rolled her eyes. After all, I was the one with the crush on Sam, not her. And don't worry, Handiman knows all about it.

Sam is the quintessential southern gentleman. He walked his little sister to class every day, spoke in the thickest, cutest accent you have EVER heard and did everything with passion and conviction. He will also one day be the leader of the free world. Mark. My. Words. He could convince anybody in that class to do anything he wanted. He actually organized an exercise group where he was the "coach" and everybody else had to run laps at recess. He came to school with an organizational chart, a whistle & stars to place by the names of each classmate that completed their laps.

And they did it. Without question. Without hesitation. Because Sam? He's the man.

It was hard to watch my kindergarten friends graduate, but I knew all along that I'd see them again next year. But my first grade buddies are moving up to the "big hall". Next year I'll only see them in computer. I guess that will have to be enough.

Me & Mrs. White's First Grade Class:


Me & Mrs. Ledbetter's First Grade Class:
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The American Idol Experiment

(I'm interrupting my reguarly scheduled work-related posts to bring you a Livin' the Wood Life special report.)

After years of devotion to all that is American Idol I had to give it up this year. I let it be known on these pages that it was a tough decision to make. It turns out, I made the right one.

Handiman and I decided to conduct a little experiment with the show. We vowed to avoid all media mentions about it. We not only didn't watch the program, but we also didn't watch any reports about it on the news, listen to anything pertaining to it on the radio and didn't read anything about it on the internet. We also avoided as much conversation on the subject as we could.

I will also tell you that if any of you blogged about it, I didn't read those days. I saw the letters AI and hit exit. Sorry.

The whole point was to come to the end of the season and just watch the finale show. We wanted to be as unbiased as possible just to see what it would be like. We didn't want any emotional investments in the contestants and we didn't want our opinions swayed by Paula's tears or Simon's put-downs.

Before I go on I'll tell you what we did know. We knew the first names of both finalists and we knew that one of them (we weren't sure which) was considered a shoe-in.

So, we see this guy Adam and we think to ourselves (and then say out loud to each other) what's this guy's deal? What's with the coat? And the eyeliner? And the lip gloss? And the screaming. Oh. My. Word. The screaming. Not to mention the song choice. Surely, this guy's not the favorite.

Then the judges speak and we know we are mistaken. This is when we realize that nothing's changed in Season 8. They almost always go for the odd looking, cocky screamer. But this time Fantasia's name is Adam Lambert. Oops. Did I say that out loud?

Anyway, next up was Kris and my first words were "Wow, he's cute." Because that's how I roll. Then I realize he can not only sing without screaming, but he can sound good doing it. And I immediately know who I'm voting for.

The judges were kind and generous to him but I knew from past experience they would turn on him in the end. And they did with their condescending "you should be proud of how far you've gotten". That's always been code for "loser" on this show. By the way, we could barely listen to Paula make it through her first gushing speech about Adam. How did you people survive a whole season of that?

I hope I haven't offended any of you Adam lovers out there but I'm calling it as I see it. I voted for Kris. And I'm pretty sure I'm breaking up with this show forever.

Stayin' Alive in K5

At the beginning of the school year, my Computer Teaching days terrified me. It was my Teacher's Aid days that I looked forward to. I was assigned to assist our 2 Kindergarten & 2 First Grade classrooms. How hard could it be?

As the year went on, however, I found out it could be plenty hard. And plenty rewarding.

Many of the tasks I was given might seem a little mundane and some days they felt it. I mean, there are only so many times you can listen to a beginning reader take a turn at "A New Hat" before you want to reach across the room and shake the short "a" vowel sound right out of him.

The phonics & math assessments I did for each child became a bit redundant too. Child after child would come to a table in the hallway and I would ask them to identify a a series of letters and their sounds. Then they were told to circle the lowercase letters. They would spend minutes and minutes making their own special design around each and every letter before I would finally snap and say "JUST CIRCLE THEM FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY AND BE DONE WITH IT ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Or maybe I just said, "that's enough sweetie. You did a great job!" (If I did say that, I was totally thinking the other thing.)

And then there were the art projects. I will never forget (or forgive) Mrs. Wahlman greeting me one morning in the hall with 4 bottles of paint, a bucket of water and a long sheet of paper. "Oh, you're going to have so much fun today Mrs. Wood! You get to make a footprint poster with all the children!!!" Paint. Water. 18 sets of 5 year old feet. What part of that sounds like fun to you?

I came to cherish the days where all that awaited me was filing phonics papers and a trip to the laminator, but those days were few and far between. Usually, I was the go-to gal for supervising class potty breaks and recess when it was 40 degrees outside. I also got to handle snack a few times and taught them my favorite phrase "You get what you get and you don't pitch a fit." I had to laugh when I heard one kid shout it at his classmates last week when they whined about the graham cracker selection.

So, after all of this, I watched our kindergarten students graduate this past Monday. And do you know what I did?

I cried.

Because despite every miserably cold recess. Despite every painful reading group. Despite every whine, every disobedience, every painted foot...... I loved them. Loved each and every one of them, more than I even realized until they were gone.

I got to watch 36 kids learn how to read and add and tie their shoes right before my very eyes. I got to watch some come out of their shell and some learn self-control. I developed serious crushes on a few and serious admiration for their parents.

At graduation, each child was asked to walk to the microphone and tell what they wanted to be when they grow up. These 2 classes that have been both completely adorable and completely frustrating came up with some of the most mind-blowing answers I've ever heard. We got the standard answers; policeman, nurse, horse rider, army man & firefighter. But we also got FBI agent, fashion model & priest.
But the kicker for me was a little boy named William. He was the most precocious kid in K5, probably the most precocious in the whole school. He'd pulled his fair share of stars over the year. So nobody was expecting his answer.

When asked what he wants to be, without a moments hesitation he said it loud and clear.

"A Man of God."

I love my job.

Me & Mrs. Tobin's K5 Class:

Me & Mrs. Wahlman's K5 class:

Welcome to My World

Well, we've finally arrived at the last week of the school year.

I could use this time to post about how excited I am to finally have some free time on my hands. And I could go on and on and on about how nice it will be to sleep in and lay by the pool and actually talk to my girlfriends again.

But I won't. At least, not yet.

I thought I might give you all a glimpse into my world and let you in on what I've been doing for the last nine months. I've taken my camera to school the past couple of weeks so I could document my days at work, both teaching computer and aiding the kindergarten and first grade classes. First up, computer.

On Tuesday's and Thursday's, this has been my home away from home:

It's our school computer lab and the place where I have imparted my technological wisdom on the young, eager minds set before me. (I couldn't even type that with a straight face.)

It is at these stations that I taught first graders words like "Font" and "Clip Art". Where second graders learned their home row keys and third graders mastered the art of the internet scavenger hunt. It's where fourth graders were introduced to PowerPoint and fifth graders graphed M&M's using an Excel Speadsheet.

And it's where I became an actual teacher.

The thought of teaching anything to anybody would have never even occured to me a little over a year ago. And truthfully, when I took this job I wasn't at all sure I'd pull it off. It was shaky at first given that I have No Idea what I was doing, but eventually I got the hang of it. I got a handle on what the students could do and how I could help them do more. We figured it out and lo and behold, they learned things!

Let me be clear. That had nothing to do with me and certainly nothing to do with my vast computer knowledge. It was all God. His wisdom. His grace. His mercy. It had to be, because this job was His idea. And I never let Him forget it.

In the beginning, the scariest thing for me was the "teaching" part of the job. As time went on, the scariest part became the "teacher" part of the job. It didn't take long to realize these kids were watching me, studying me and sometimes testing me. A few of them got the better of me but all of them stole me heart in one way or another.

There were a few in particular that started off the year being the ones I dreaded to see coming. This past week as I taught their last classes of the year, they were the ones I hated to see walking away. And I'll admit, I got a little teary-eyed when the graduating fifth graders gathered around me and all asked for a hug before they left the room.

When I was hired for this job I thought the biggest blessings to come would be a steady paycheck and being close to my daughter, and they were huge blessings indeed. But there were others I never expected. Like Abby saying mine was her favorite class. Or Josh's mom thanking me for teaching him PowerPoint because he used it to make a "Why I Love My Mom" presentation for her. Or hearing that the first grade always clapped and cheered when they heard it was time for computer. Or Kinley making me my first ever "Teacher Appreciation" card. Or Paisley using Word Art to type "Mrs. Wood is the Best Computer Teacher Ever!" for me before she left on Thursday. (For my friends who know that story, you know this wasn't just a blessing but a miracle.)

It was a great first year but the truth is I still don't feel like a teacher. But I'm learning.

A Bright Cloudy Day

Saturday morning greeted me with rolls of thunder and a gray sky, and I couldn't have been happier about it. Not because we need the rain, obviously. But I'm kind of fond of lazy, cloudy mornings when there's nothing urgent on the agenda. And that's exactly the day God handed me.

I kicked it off making my usual weekend breakfast of biscuits, scrambled eggs and bacon. It's my belief that bacon makes any day a good day. Once all the food had been properly disposed of, I started laundry and set off to make good on my promise to The Ocho.

I told her earlier in the week that we'd make Saturday Family Games & Movies Day. Because the only thing that can even come close to the goodness that bacon brings is a good game and/or a good movie.

First on the agenda was her very first game of Scattegories. Oh, how I love that game! She didn't exactly excel at it, but it was fun watching her freak out over trying to come up with a bird that starts with the letter "O". Ostrich & Oriole never crossed her mind, by the way. But she did come up with a store for the letter "R" (Ross Dress for Less) as well as a musical group (Rascal Flatts). What I couldn't believe is her failure to name a dessert that starts with "D". Ummm......DONUT! Hello?!?!?

After a little break we tried our hand at Pictionary. Again, this was her first time playing the game so we chose easy words to start with. Once we figured out we had underestimated her powers, we pulled out the harder ones. I was worried I scarred her for life when I was forced to draw the word "stab". But it turned out the violent depiction I sketched wasn't nearly as disturbing to her as my complete lack of realism. She is still criticising me for it.

We drew, we guessed and we laughed. Alot. It was actually the most fun we've had in quite a while. And it was a good thing we had so much fun because right after that we had to break the news that her softball game had not been rained out.

(The whole reason for Family Games & Movies Day was because Saturday was supposed to be a complete wash-out. But it wasn't. So off to the softball field we went.)

As luck would have it, an hour into the game the thunder and lightning rolled in and we packed it up. Handiman headed off to a sales call for work while The Ocho and I headed home for our first flick of the day.

We curled up on the couch with a big blanket, a bowl of popcorn and a bag of M&M's between us and enjoyed "Kit Kittredge, An American Girl" together. We had purposely planned to watch this one while Handiman wasn't home. He's not a big fan of American Girl movies. His loss, because it was A-D-R-O-A-B-L-E. The Ocho is big into reading the books right now so she enjoyed explaining to me who everybody was and what they were about to do.... right before they did it. I finally told her to hush.

Once Handiman was home we had dinner and played our last game of the night. We let Ocho choose and ended up with her favorite! game! ever!, Clue Jr. She handily beat us (It was Mrs. Peacock at 2:00 with lemonade, if you're wondering).

The grand finale of the evening was watching "Bolt". We missed seeing it in the theater and since Miley Cyrus voices the little girl in the movie, I haven't stopped hearing about it for months. Finally, we saw it. And again we laughed. Alot. I have to admit I was pleasantly surprised and how good it was.

Actually, I was pleasantly surprised how good Saturday was. The weatherman tried to convince me all week long that I wouldn't be happy about it. Just like always, he was wrong.

Heading into the offseason

The TV and I have been best buddies since I was a child. We've spent countless hours hanging out with friends and family and sometimes, admittedly my favorite times, it was just the two of us. The TV introduced me to some of my favorite people in the whole world; Blair Warner, Keith Partridge, Dylan McKay, Sidney Bristow, Dr. Doug Ross and of course, my TVBFF Marcia Brady.
As I've grown older and acquired more responsibilities I've found it necessary to limit the hours we can spend together each week. This past TV season I had to drastically cut back. As you all might recall, I had some tough decisions to make and as sad as it was to say goodbye to Randy, Paula & Simon, I just didn't have room in my life for them.

That left me with my buddies in Scranton & my lovable island dwellers and I must say we've had quite a year. Unfortunately, this week our time together came to a close and we were forced to part ways. For one it will be only a few short months. For the other it will be 8 loooooonnnnnggggggggg months. And I'm not sure I can make it. They both gave me plenty to think about over the hiatus so I thought I'd spend a little time here reflecting on the year we've shared and the bombshells they chose to drop on me before making their exits.

LOST:

Well, it's been quite a year on the island. And off the island. Actually it's been 2 different years on the island. And thirty years earlier on the island. I'm actually kind of surprised I'm smart enough to still follow this show.

I suppose my tenacity comes from my years of watching Alias. I trust JJ Abrams and his crew to know what they're doing and so far, they've given me one of the most interesting, thought-provoking and downright fun shows I've ever seen.

I'm certainly not going to try and sum up all that's happened this season. From Jack's horrific beard and Hurley's "killing spree" to Kate saying goodbye to Aaron and Ben murdering Locke, it was full of surprises and gut-wrenching moments. I did enjoy seeing Sawyer find a new life in Dharmaville with Juliet, so seeing her fall down the magnet pit was a big bummer. I also hated to see Daniel get shot. By his mother. Before he was born. But hopefully Jack's bomb will set things straight. Of course, we won't know any of that until next January which makes me more than a little angry and tense. But all will be forgiven if Jack & Kate end up together. I promise.

THE OFFICE:

I have to say this season didn't start out as one of my favorites. Mostly because I was still bitter about the whole Andy stealing Jim's proposal thunder thing. But they more than made up for it with that sweet pit-stop proposal in the rain thing. I was more than a little sad to see them give Michael his soulmate in Holly and then send her away. And I really didn't like it when Charles showed up and starting picking on Jim. But suddenly, The Office I knew and loved came back full force when The Michael Scott Paper Company starting throwing cheese puffs and driving a Korean church van. And Ryan dyed his hair.

Last night's finale wasn't the funniest send-off they've given me but it had it's moments. I loved Pam's volleyball skillz, Jim & Dwight celebrating with a hug & Phyllis "spraining her ankle". I also enjoyed Dwight's best friend Rolph and Andy's slightly competitive nature coming out. What I didn't like was the complete lack of Creed or Kelly. I mean, come on! How could you have a company picnic without them? And, although it was kinda the point, it was really hard to watch Slum Dunder Mifflinaire.

But then there was the ending. Even though they gave us a nice warning with the nurse's questions to Pam, it was still nice to see Jim's reaction. I will admit that I was a little disappointed they decided to bring the baby before the wedding, butJim melted my heart when he walked out of that exam room to call Dwight. (How John Krasinski has never been nominated for an Emmy is beyond me. He is so good.)

Last night as The Office ended I realized my TV viewing was done for another season and got a little sad. There's usually nothing on during the summer that holds my attention for more than a week or two, until the DCC comes on of course. But then I saw a commercial that peaked my interest. It seems "I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here" will be starting soon and they're planning on dropping the likes of Sanjaya along with Heidi & Spencer into the jungle and giving viewers the chance to call in with ways to torture them. So I suppose all hope is not lost.

Summer is coming and to quote Charles of Dunder Mifflin Corporate, it will be"nice to get a rest from all my rest."

The Ocho & Pork Spending

I'm pretty sure it's common practice in elementary school these days to have some sort of creative disciplinary system. At our school each classroom has it's own system. One can "move their butterfly", "pull a star", "change their color card" or "move Mr. Monkey". Such dreaded punishment occurs when a child chooses to disobey their teacher or break the rules.

(Back in my day every class had the same disciplinary system. It was called "catch Mr. Paddle on your backside and then look forward to catching it again at home when your Mama finds out." And I'd also like to point out back then we didn't have school shootings or gang violence. Just sayin'.)

At the beginning of Ocho's 2nd grade year we were told that the system in place to control the little monsters was called The Pig Dollar. Every day the student would receive 4 Pig Dollars which they would keep in a slot designated just for them. Pig Dollars were subject to confiscation should any punishable offense occur (talking during class, not following directions, not turning in homework, etc.). In the event of a major offense (talking back, lying, cheating) the number of Pig Dollars collected would be at the discretion of the teacher.

At the end of the week, students were allowed to count up their Pig Dollars and spend them at the class "store". They could purchase invaluable items like plastic bracelets, lip gloss, pencils and gum. The gum was usually the hottest item.

The students also had the option of saving their Pig Dollars from week to week. By doing this, they could purchase the really expensive items like clothing, DVD's and Jonas Brother's concert tickets. Oh, I'm kidding. They could still only buy lip gloss and gum. Just in higher quantities.

Allow me to clarify something. Losing a Pig Dollar was a big deal in the Ocho's class. Some kids lost one a week. Some kids lost one a month. Some kids lost one every 3 hours. But only one kid never lost one. Ever. At all. Can you guess who?


That's right. My Little Ocho was recognized today in our Awards Chapel as the only student in her class to never lose a Pig Dollar. She was also commended for her excellent grades and sweet spirit. But she didn't care about that. She was most proud of her Pig Dollar collection.

In case you were wondering, her current Pig Dollar account balance is $370. She spent them pretty frivolously early in the school year but has preferred to stockpile them in the past few months. With one exception.

Around Christmas, one of our classroom moms came to the girls with an idea of getting them involved in a charity. It was to benefit a family member who had lost 2 children to a rare disease. She offered to match any pig dollar donations the girls would make with real dollars. Of course, she was thinking each girl might give 5. Most of them did. But the Ocho? She gave 80.

Of everything she's accomplished this year (straight A's, a spelling bee ribbon, today's Awesome Achiever Award) that donation is still my proudest moment. I love that my girl has a heart for others and a true sense of what's valuable.

This Friday will be her last opportunity to spend those Pig Dollars since they don't rollover into 3rd grade. And since you can't donate them to missions or use them to sponsor a child in Africa, I'm sure we'll be getting a years supply of Bubbilicious.

Curb Appeal

I realize it's been a while since I've updated everyone on our attempt to sell our house. So, allow me to do that now.

We are still living in it. Does that answer your questions?

I feel like we've been trying to sell this place for years. Mainly, because we have. I realize the economy stinks and the housing market is failing, blah, blah, blah. I get it. It's just that we've put a lot of time and effort into making this place appealing and desirable. We've added a beautiful arched entryway into our dining room. (And by we, I mean Handiman). We've painted. We've cleaned. We've worked on our lawn. And still, nothin'.

I suppose there hasn't been anything to really set us apart from the 1,273 other houses for sale in our neighborhood.

Until now.

Late last week, some sweet anonymous angel decided to do something that was sure to attract attention to our little hacienda. It was a thoughtful and creative gesture that will never be forgotten. Just see for yourselves:



That's right. It's a grocery cart. On the curb. In our front yard. They kindly left it where it would be the most visible to passers-by. Generous indeed.

Besides the obvious question of why, there is another question of how. While we are located near serveral grocery stores, there isn't one within walking distance. At least, not as far as I'm concerned. Of course, walking distance to me is defined as couch to kitchen. Or TV to bedroom. So, perhaps my judgement is skewed.

Nevertheless, after I got over my initial irritation, I deciced that perhaps it was destiny that this cart showed up at my house. I mean, think of the havoc a practical joker like myself could play on unsuspecting friends who live in fancy neighborhoods and have pools and don't eat meat! If, you know, I happened to have any friends like that.

But, it wasn't meant to be. Handiman loaded it up in his truck and took it back to the store. Party pooper.

And, in case you were wondering, the answer is no, we haven't had one single person look at our house since it was displayed. People around here just don't appreciate our kind of classy.

Relinquishing the Crown

The Ocho has spent the past 9 months living in her version of Utopia: An All-Girls Class.

The Princess Class of 2009 will go down in history at our little school. It was the first (and probably last) of it's kind. While the girls reaped the benefits of gaining more self-confidence and leadership abilities, they also learned to get on each others nerves and stress their teacher out with their constant whining and squealing and cat-fighting.

But we'll not dwell on that now. We'll think about the good times. Like having a treasure box filled with Hannah Montana stickers and lip gloss. And getting away with watching movies like "The Secret Garden" and "Annie" during recess. And have I mentioned the craft projects?

On particularly crafty (and generous) mom in the class would come in every few weeks and help the girls make things like bedazzled mirrors for their lockers and tie-dyed shirts with their names and a crown sewn on. No, I'm not kidding.

And let's not forget their teacher, Mrs. Eller. (Perhaps Queen Eller would be more appropriate.) She decked the classroom out with Disney Princess curtains at the beginning of the school year and placed ladybugs on the door with each girl's name on them. At Christmas she presented each girl with a denim bag monogrammed with their initial, in pink of course.

She also refereed many fights, diffused many meltdowns and heard more than her fair share of giggling and "which Jonas brother is the cutest" conversations.

Long live the Queen.

Oh, they have been a spoiled lot. And there has been much royal drama. But now, their reign is coming to an end and they will have but one short summer to prepare for the impending invasion of ..gasp...boys.

I had an idea to capture their royal highness's in a photograph and enlisted the help of some friends. First I called my friend Terra who has a stash of tiaras in her garage. Then I talked to Karen, our art teacher with a real fancy camera. The result turned out so cute I'm going to give each of the mom's one next week at our Mother's Day tea.

So now, I present to you the Princess Class of 2009.

Driver's Ed

I will now transcribe a conversation that took place on Tuesday night in our car. We were headed to school for The Ocho's spring music program. On our way, we were playing a game called "When I was a little boy.....", which honestly, isn't really a game at all. It's simply Handiman relaying stories from his childhood where he was bleeding, catching himself on fire or inflicting one or both of those infirmities onto his brothers.

In Tuesday night's episode, he told the tale of being dared to crawl through a drainage ditch under a driveway. Of course, he gets stuck in the story and has to be rescued. Once the story concluded, we were at a stop sign where the driver in front of us seemed to be waiting for a written invitation. You know the type. This is what happened next:


Handiman: "What is wrong with this guy? What an idiot."

Me: "Ocho, I hope you are learning a valuable lesson. It is only acceptable to call people names when you are inside a moving car."

Ocho: "Yeah. I know. I think Daddy just called that man an (whispering) idiot. I'm pretty sure I heard him do that once before."

Me: (Laughing hysterically) ONCE?!?!? Once every 5 minutes maybe. I'll admit though, you've heard Mommy do it just as much. That still doesn't make it right"

Ocho: "Yeah. You usually do it at the road going to our house. But that's not nice."

Handiman: "No, but it's necessary."

Me: "Do you really think that's the lesson we should be teaching here?"

Handiman: "Ok. You're right. You should never call people idiots. Unless they deserve it."

Me: "Wow. I'm sure Dr. Dobson would appreciate us writing this little parenting lesson down for him. Maybe he could use it in his next book."

Hanidman: "Well, it's true. But you don't have to call them idiots. You could call them Bozo too."

Ocho: "What's Bozo?"

Handiman: "He was a clown on TV when Mommy & Daddy were little."

Ocho: "What did he do?"

Handiman: "He sang songs and played games and........he acted like an idiot."

Me: "Terrific."

Handiman: "Hey Ocho! Look right there!!!! That's the kind of drain Daddy tried to crawl through when he was a little boy! Do you see it?"

Ocho: "Uh-huh. It looks kind of small. Were you hanging out of it when you got stuck?"

Handiman: "Probably"

Me: "So Ocho, if you were walking down this street and you saw a guy hanging out of drainage ditch, you know what you would call him?"

Ocho: "............nervous silence.........Idiot?"

Me: "That's correct."