Days of our Lies

Back when I was in high school I would devote time everyday during my summer vacation to classic storytelling. There was Luke & Laura and Bo & Hope and Jack & Jennifer. I followed them through it all; break-ups, make-ups, running from the law, weddings, divorces, evil twins. I simply couldn't get enough of all the drama. In fact, my devotion carried on through college and into young adulthood.

Then I got a life.

But this summer I fell off the wagon. You see, there was this new show and it had it all: Heroes, villains, family dysfunction, romance, mystery, running from the law, and some of the most impressive lying I have ever been a witness to.

Obviously, I know it wasn't a story but real life for a family that gives new meaning to the word tragic and my heart truly does break for the grandparents who have had everything in their lives taken from them. And, of course, it breaks for that sweet little baby girl. Maybe my fascination stemmed from the time frame. I too had a baby in 2005, born just 3 months after little Caylee, and I couldn't help but make the comparison each time they flashed her picture on the screen. But I'm not going down that road cause then I'll say things some might find offensive.

I'm not blogging about this to vent my frustration with the verdict, though believe me I've got plenty of it. Instead I want to say so long to the courtroom soap opera that kept me mesmerized all these many weeks.

Thank you Judge Belvin Perry. You were my favorite character. Maybe because you reminded me so much of Stanley on "The Office". I loved the way you delivered your lines and your obvious disgust with all the lawyer bickering. And I really loved it when you stuck it to the TGI Fridays punk.

Thank you Prosecution Team. Sure, Ashton was smug and arrogant at times but he was also the best lawyer in the room. I especially enjoyed his cross examination of The Grief Lady. Maybe a dog buried it indeed. And LDB always impressed me, but her closing argument rivaled anything Matthew McConaughey or Tom Cruise ever did. And she wrote her own script. You go girl.

Thank you Defense Team. Between not prepping your witnesses, ignoring court orders, making promises you couldn't and didn't keep and failing to hire a hairdresser for Mrs. Sims you had me tuning in just to see what you'd do (or wouldn't do) next. And then you won and threw a party in front of the news cameras only to come in later and act as though you actually cared about the dead baby. Wow.

And then there were the colorful supporting characters: The aforementioned Grief Lady (a certified "traumatologist" ???), Roy "rattlesnake" Kronk, The Tattoo guy who needed subtitles, the body farm fanatic Dr. Vass, the bumbling Dr. Spitz, the Hot Body Contest guy, and an endless array of geeky forensic guys & gals who verified each and every stereotype ever imagined about scientists. You guys were awesome.

Now, on a serious note I suppose I have to address the "star" of the show. I have to hand it to her. When you have the guts to take 3 police officers to your fake job to look for your fake cell phone with the fake phone number for your fake nanny, tell them you forgot your fake security pass, lead them to your fake office and only then tell them you're lying....well, you've either got a lot of courage or are completely void of a conscience. I'll bet you can guess which way I'm leaning.

And then there were those tapes where you talked about your missing child. Oh wait, I'm sorry. Those don't exist. You were talking about yourself. And your boyfriend. And yourself. And your fake nanny. And yourself. And cussing out your family. And complaining that nobody was worried about you. Really classy and heartfelt. You are truly America's Sweetheart.

I invested the past 7 weeks watching because I thought I knew what the ending would be. As a veteran TV watcher I am ashamed at my failure. I have decided to stick with scripted dramas from now on because real people making real decisions are obviously way crazier than fictional people thinking Stefano is actually dead.