Passport to Purity

Last summer I was forced to face the fact that my little girl was becoming less little by the second. There were physical changes that could not be ignored even though I was giving it a noble effort. In a panic I consulted a friend who recommended the American Girl book "The Care and Keeping of You". It was a lifesaver and really easy for her to understand. It didn't give too much information, just enough for what she was experiencing at the time. What I'm sayin' is....we had a talk but not THE talk. However, I was given a heads up by some parents at school that our 5th grade science book contained an entire chapter on human reproduction and while our teachers choose not to teach it in the classroom it's right there in black and white for the kids to read, study and snicker at. So I knew this summer the day of reckoning would be near. Handiman and I agreed that while we figured she was clueless with a capital "less" about anything regarding the subject, we'd much rather introduce the subject ourselves than have a 5th grade girl on the playground do it for us. Or....shudder.....a 5th grade boy.

So, I took the opportunity while she was at Cross Camp to visit our local Lifeway Bookstore in search of something, anything, that would help me. Because, to be honest, the thought of it was making me nauseous.

As I stood in front of the family section looking at countless books with the dreaded "s" word plastered all over them I noticed a box with a much kinder title; "Passport to Purity". It's a CD series designed as a getaway weekend retreat you take with your daughter (or son) produced by Dennis & Barbara Rainey. Since I'd listened to his radio show and knew he had a kind voice, and the box was pretty and didn't have the "s" word on it I quickly picked it up and headed to the checkout. It did occur to me that maybe I should go home and research it before making that investment. But I had prayed all the way to the store that God would direct me and I felt pretty confident this was His choice too.

It totally was.

I took the week to sit in my kitchen listening to all the CDs and going over the workbook. Then I passed them on to Handiman and had him do the same. We were both amazed at what we heard. I won't go into every detail of the series because there's simply too much to tell, but I will say that it took a job I was dreading and made it something I was actually looking forward to. Crazy.

I surprised her this past Friday afternoon with an invitation taped to her bedroom mirror. She was instructed to pack her bags for a Girl's Getaway Weekend where we would be staying at a hotel, swimming, shopping, seeing a movie and doing a Bible retreat together.


I told her it would be sort of like the weekends I spend with my girlfriends and to drive that point home I had another little surprise for her. Before we left I sat her in a chair and presented her with her own special song. If you don't know, I like to write songs for my girlfriends. It's what I do. Ocho was pretty pumped that she was getting her own song. It was to the tune of her current favorite song "Mean". It was entitled "Tween" and it was a gigantic hit.

Once the performance was over we loaded the car, put in the first CD and headed to the big metropolis of Brentwood. The first session introduced her to all the things we'd be discussing and talked about the many changes she'd be going through in the coming years. Of course, I was made to feel queasy right out of the gate when, as he was listing the subjects we'd be discussing he dropped the "s" bomb and she looked up at me and said "what does that mean?" Great. I gave her the old "we'll talk about it later" and bought myself just little more time.

Once at the hotel we unpacked and were ready for our first project. Every session has an interactive project you do together and it was always her favorite part. Here she is with our 5 mystery project bags.

When I listened to this part alone I thought every project was pretty clever but it wasn't until I did them with her that I saw just how effective they are. I have no doubt that she will recall them for the rest of her life as she's facing different situations. Each one gives a really vivid visual result that kids can relate to.

The second session dealt with peer pressure and choosing the right friends. She listened so intently and as we went through the questions in her journal we had great discussion about her friends and the kind of influence she is on them and vice versa.

After dinner it was time for a Gigi's cupcake. What's a girl's weekend without cupcakes?

Then came session 3. This was the BIG one and I was nervous. It starts out with Barbara Rainey discussing changes specifically related to girl's bodies (there's a separate CD for the boys). This gave her a false sense of security since she had heard all of that before. But I warned her that the next part would be a little embarrassing and might freak her out. She anxiously looked at me and said "Why? Is it scary?" I simply handed her a pillow and told her to be prepared to hide her face.

As it began she was lying on the couch looking pretty comfortable. Then words like "husband and wife" and "t*ke off their cl*thes" and...well....you know.....

She started laughing hysterically, rolling around on the couch, burying her red face in the pillow and screaming. Then she shot up, pointed at me and shouted "You did NOT do that! Tell me you did NOT do that!!!"

I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.

Over the next few minutes she also said things like "I'm scarred for life", "I think I'm going to throw up" and "that's the grossest thing I've ever heard!"

Once it was over we both regained our composure, giggled a little more and ended up having a really amazing talk. It dawned on me that my sweet little girl had just been introduced to something for the first time that many kids learn about from TV, music or other kids. But I had the amazing privilege of being the first person to ever approach the subject with her and because of that her view of it is completely based on God's design and intention. What a blessing.

After that we needed a break so we headed to the swimming pool and then back to our room to play Family Trivial Pursuit before going to bed. She thought it was all kinds of awesome that I was letting her drink Coke and eat popcorn at 11:00 pm.

The next morning after breakfast was session four. It dealt with staying pure until marriage and it's the session that impressed me the most in the entire series. I love that it doesn't just tell the kid about the birds and the bees and leave them to fend for themselves. It really stresses the dangers of the dating world and the need for creating boundaries and a plan for yourself before those situation arise. It actually has them categorize a list of things from least to most dangerous that starts with holding hands and ends with int*rc*urse. I worried before we started that she would get too embarrassed to engage in the lesson but I was wrong. She studied the list, rated each one and then talked honestly and listened intently to the dangers of too much physical contact. It also brings up the subject of modesty and helps girls understand the influence they have over boys in the way they dress and act.

The fifth session was about dating. I know that some of the material might be a little radical for some people but I found myself pretty swayed by their arguments. Their main objective is to encourage the child to let their parent be the authority in deciding when they date and what kind of person they date. The project gives a great illustration of letting yourself get too attached to a person too soon and wrapping up your identity in them. It's one I wish I'd had growing up. Basically it uses 2 pieces of construction paper that have been glued together for a long time and shows what happens to them when they get ripped apart. Here's Ocho with her broken heart:

Once the sessions are over they encourage to have something fun planned for the rest of your weekend, something that your child will really enjoy. Lucky for me "Monte Carlo" had just opened so off to the movies we went. After that it was shopping at Target and the mall. Then it was time for one last surprise.

We headed off to dinner where a special guest would be joining us. The series encourages you to end your weekend with a special dinner where Daddy is waiting with a special gift for his daughter. You might have guessed that Handiman was not at all excited about the topics of this weekend and was afraid that when he saw her she would be so repulsed by all things boys that she'd never look at him again. But that's not what happened.

As she walked through the doors of the restaurant she saw him and her eyes lit up. She ran and hugged him just like always and I could tell he was relieved. She told him what a great time we had and how happy she was to see him. And I will add that for the rest of the weekend she took every opportunity she could to hold his hand, lean on his shoulder or just be around him.

At dinner he presented her with her gift, a beautiful silver bracelet made up of hearts. He sweetly told her how he if one of the hearts was ever lost or broken we could always replace it but the same couldn't be said of her heart. He promised to protect her and help her save it.

We've always known our daughter to be sweet, kind, funny and compassionate. But this weekend I learned she is also very wise. I know that she will face struggles and make bad choices along the way but I have no doubt that God will use what she learned this weekend to equip her in ways I never dreamed were possible. She miles ahead of me at that age and I am so thankful God let me share this time with her.

If you have a child between the ages of 10 and 12 I can't recommend this series enough. It's tough to think about but I promise you won't regret it. I'm so happy our daughter heard God's way before she heard the world's way. I know it will make all the difference.