And now, an explanation

I'm here now to explain exactly what was going on with my husband this past Saturday. And why, when all was said and done, I spent the night in the guest room.

This photo was taken at a community fundraiser we attended in Hampshire, TN. It's a small community about 10 minutes from our school. The pastor of their local church happens to be the father of one of the Ocho's good friends (and the son of our school principal). Before the school year ended he invited me to come and sing in a morning service. This Sunday was the day so we went up Saturday for a quick run-through. Their church was kicking off the yard sale portion of the fundraiser when we arrived. We found this book, thought it was funny and took a picture.

Then we found these:

To understand why he bought them you must know a few things. First, one of our favorite TV shows has always been Everybody Loves Raymond. And one of our favorite episodes was the one with the big fork & spoon and the suitcase full of cheese (if you've never seen it and you're married, you must watch it. I promise, you'll relate.) Second, we are always on the look out for new and exciting things to plant in the fancy houses of friends when they go out of town and see how long it takes them to notice. And third, we thought they'd make an excellent dirty santa gift come Christmas time. Therefore, the 50 cents he payed was indeed a bargain.

On our way home Handiman decided to call about a nifty gadget he found on Craigslist that was guaranteed to cure the back ache he's had for the past 20 years. The one that countless doctors, prescription medications, steroids, chiropractors, physical therapists and acupuncturists haven't been able to fix. He assured me that this was going to do the trick:

Shortly after trying out the inversion table he was in the backyard doing this:

In his defense, the Ocho was not demonstrating proper slip 'n slide techique and somebody had to give her a lesson. It might as well be the old man with the broken back.

So after a day filled with all that fun and frivolity, it was no wonder that the guy was tired. He went to bed around 10:00 while I was still up watching a movie. About 30 minutes later I walked into the bedroom and quickly realized I was in trouble. Knowing neither he nor any of you would believe the severity of the situation, I quickly grabbed my camera to document what I found.

The image on the video is dark and mostly invisible but that doesn't matter. It's the sound you will here that warrants my response.

And so, if one day in the near future you are watching a 48 Hours Mystery about a man who was killed by his wife as he slept with a big fork and spoon, you will understand exactly how it all went down.