American Idol: Bringing Crazy Back

I never realize how much I've missed this show until it premiers. All of a sudden I'm reminded of all the reasons I fell in love with it seven years ago. It has always been difficult for me to watch people publicly humiliate themselves but I'm getting better at it every year. I would now like to present my favorite moments from the Philly auditions:

Yuka singing the Mr. Bee Gees. Paula appreciated him so much. But she couldn't seem to spit out that he was horrible and needed to reconsider his career options. Yuka you are a sexy face. You really are.

Udi the Elvis Pimp. He tries to incorporate his music into the workplace. His rendition of My Way was indeed the final cuuurr-ten.

Paul the singing stalker. He wasn't funny. He wasn't talented. He wasn't cute. He was just weird. Simon said it best: "There's something really disturbing about you." Indeed.

Christina the Star Wars dork. She was a little......bitter. But she rocked the Princess Leia hair. Perhaps her future as a correctional officer will give her the outlet she needs for all her hostility.

And then there were really great singers. My favorites were Joey (who lost 204 lbs), Jonathon (really tall, really cute), Christy Lee (pretty, talented and fierce with the martial arts) and Brook (the nanny who is also a really nice girl). I also loved Angela Martin and will admit right now that I will vote for her every week if she makes the finals based solely on her sick daughter.

Let me also address the likes of James (Go Down Moses), Temptress (the linebacker) and Alexis (the singer/artist/pirate).

It was hard for me to laugh at James. It was obvious that there was something physically wrong with his mouth and when he said his co-workers had "encouraged him to audition" I knew someone was playing a cruel joke on him. He was awful. Make no mistake. But it was sad and I felt sorry for him. And I don't feel sorry for anybody on this show. Ever.

Temptress also made me sad. I loved that Simon was so sweet to her and through her audition we learned that he loves kittens. Who would have guessed?

Alexis was a psychotic. She wasn't really a bad singer but she was frightening and disturbed. And what was with her mother? Simon thought her "a bit possessed". I am inclined to agree. I'm just glad she left with her dignity. I wish her all the luck with actressing.

And last but not least my favorite Simon quotes of the evening:
"He looks hungry"
"The interesting thing about this country is you are all genuinely excited when someone you know does well."
"In Britain we call it creepy"
"Give my love to the wookie"

Welcome back old friend. I'm looking forward to our time together.