Worth it all

I remember listening to Mary Beth Chapman a week of so after she lost her daughter Maria. She was talking about God's faithfulness to their family through the tragedy and how He was using their loss to minister to so many people all over the world. I thought to myself "of course, she's going to react more spiritually than I would. I wish I had the kind of faith that made losing your daughter bearable." Then she went on to say something else.

She said she was glad that God could take their horrible circumstances and work them for good but "right now, I don't care about any of that. I just want my baby back."

Then I realized we weren't so different after all. That's the heart of a mother. And I think God understands that.

I struggled for a couple of years with those thoughts. I would hear amazing stories and testimonies of how God had used the 6 day of life or Rebekah to change hearts and draw people to Him. I know of at least one lady whose salvation experience came as a direct result of Rebekah's story and she never even met her.

But for years I didn't care about any of that. I just wanted my baby back.

Last year things began to change. Perhaps it was the passing of time that made it easier but I think there was more to it. I was finally allowing God access to those places that needed healing. Those places that, as long as they were hidden and hurting, gave me access to her. That probably doesn't make any sense to you, but it did to me.

When we started Rebekah's Rainbow, it was more about giving Lydia a way to remember her sister. But I've come to realize it was no accident that God laid the rainbow on my heart when coming up with a name. It symbolizes a promise. A promise that He will be faithful and true. That He is always near. That He has a plan whether we know it or not.

In November of last year I posted what He did for our family on Rebekah's birthday. If you missed the story click HERE. Then I want you to take a trip to my friend Angela's blog HERE. Then I want you take a moment and give Him praise.

It's taken me almost 5 years but I think now I can say it. When I see this:


I think this:


was worth it all.

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,for his compassions never fail.They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:21-23