Confessions of a Church Shopper

As a woman, I'm a bit on the abnormal side. I don't like jewelry. I never wear eyeshadow. I hate wearing heels. I'm not a Twilight fan. And, I detest shopping.

I know. I'm a disgrace to my gender.

Here's what I call shopping. I realize I need something or maybe I just really, really want it. I find out where it is and how much it costs. I march into the store, I pick it out, I pay for it, and I go home. There's no browsing. No cost comparisons. I either get what I came for or I leave with nothing. End of story.

This brings us to the Wood family's dilemma of searching for a new church home. I told you 2 months ago that we were feeling led to leave the church family we'd been a part of for most of our marriage and all of The Ocho's life. It was a tough decision but one we know we needed to make. But maybe not for the reasons we had originally thought.

When we set out to find a new church we took with us all of our past experiences, both good and bad. We knew what we were looking for and we knew what we were not looking for. As with all shopping trips, I had a list of must-haves. These things weren't going to secure anybody's salvation and they're certainly not found in scripture. They're just little details that I consider important to my overall worship and serving experience.

1. I need a choir. It's who I am. It's who God made me to be. I don't need the choir to be big and flashy. I don't even need them to be good. But I do need them to exist. I'm not saying I'm anti-praise team. I hold no ill will towards the lone worship leader and his band. But, for me personally, I need a choir. And they need to at least look like they enjoy singing. This alone has presented a huge problem on our church hunt. Much to my surprise, choirs don't exist much in these parts anymore. We visited a couple of churches that had them but by my estimation I would have seriously curved the age bracket. And I'm no spring chicken.

2. We need to be needed. Now, I know what you're thinking. Between my children's choir skillz and Handiman's profound teaching abilities what church wouldn't need us? We should be a pretty hot commodity around these parts, right? Well, maybe not. First of all, Handiman likes to teach Sunday School and as it turns out, most churches don't actually have Sunday School anymore. They have Life Groups. Again, we have nothing against Life Groups but they sound a little too laid back for Handiman's Book of Gigantic Church Words. Also, they're held in people's homes on different nights of the week. We prefer Sunday morning on church property. Call us old-fashioned if you must. Had we been able to move past this, I'm sure I could have found a place to serve in children's music but see #1 as to why I was unwilling to do so.

3. We need to fit in. This one is tricky. We visited lots of different kinds of churches and even ventured outside our denomination a couple of times. We visited old churches and new churches. Small ones and medium ones. (I strongly resisted visiting any church larger than TSC because I really wanted the Ocho to experience the small church atmosphere. She wasn't a fan.) Some churches had primarily older members. Some had members that were mostly our age or younger. But no church gave us that feeling of belonging. It's not that people weren't nice or welcoming. They were in almost every circumstance, but we've been around the block. We're veteran church members. We know pretty quickly where we'll fit and where we won't.

We've had a good laugh at how easy we thought this was going to be. I mean we live in The Bible Belt for Pete's sake! How hard could it be to find a small to medium-sized Baptist congregation with an energetic choir that likes to sing both hymns and contemporary worship songs and that also has a Bible preaching, likable pastor with a children's ministry that won't frighten our shy, introverted daughter and a group of adults willing to sit under Handiman's tutelage during a Sunday morning Bible study held on church property which is within 20 minutes driving distance of our front door? I mean really, does that sound like too much to ask?

Apparently so. But the experience wasn't a total loss. One church gave us a coffee mug. One church gave us free donuts. One church sent us a sweet letter thanking us for our visit. And one church made us sit down during the welcome time in front of the whole congregation so they could stare at us and make us feel awkward.

I've spent the last two months of Sundays being the visitor and I've learned some important lessons in the process.

I've learned I wasn't always the most welcoming church member in the crowd. Now, I know how good it feels when somebody shakes your hand and tells you they're glad you're there. And how lonely it feels when they don't.

I've learned to put my circumstances aside and come into His house ready and willing to worship Him because if you've made the decision to put yourself in front of a congregation, be it in a choir, on a praise team or in a pulpit, you'd better look like you want to be there. You'd better smile. You'd better look like you love Jesus. Because a visitor might be sitting in the congregation sizing up the spirit of the church based on the joy you're projecting that particular morning.

Finally, I've learned to appreciate what a "church family" is. I thought I did before but now I really do. Just like any other family there are some relatives you don't agree with and some you don't want to sit next to at dinner. And there will always be some family traditions you could live without. But there are also those family members that make you laugh everytime you see them. Family who have your back in times of trouble and are always just a phone call away when you need them. Most days you love them all. And they love you. They're not perfect but they're your family.

In all our months of praying for direction and searching for our place to belong, last Sunday afternoon we decided maybe we'd found it, at least for now. There is one church we've attended that had a great choir. And we know there are places we are needed to serve. We knew from the minute we walked through the doors that we fit in and the people there treated us like family. They haven't stopped telling us how much they want us to come back and visit. So this Sunday we will.

I guess there really is no place like home.