Confident and Conflicted

This Saturday was The Ocho's third year attending the annual CNC Conference at church. We signed her up over a month ago and she's been looking forward to all the girly fun, brand new t-shirt and goodie bag for weeks. Mostly though, she was looking forward to having a whole day with Abigail. Until 2 weeks ago, I had no reservations about sending her to the conference. But then things changed.

You see, 2 weeks ago Handiman and I made the agonizing decision to start looking for a new church. I know there are plenty of people who go to church with us reading this right now. Either they're shocked and want to know why or they know why and wonder if I'm going to discuss it here. The simple answer is no, I won't.

Just know this: There's no scandal. No hard feelings. No burnt bridges. We love and respect the ministry of TSC. We know the heart of that church is to save the lost and serve the family of God. And maybe one day, we'll be back. But for now, God's calling us away.

Truthfully, it's been something we've discussed for over a year but we've felt over the past weeks God was telling us to go. It's not what we want to do. Not at all. We love our church. We've been there for almost 14 years. It's been our source of love, support, community, encouragement and safety. We dedicated one daughter there and memorialized another. It's our home. our family. And it's breaking our hearts to even think about leaving.

But more importantly, it's breaking the Ocho's heart. It's the only church she's ever known and it's the only place she gets to see her friend Abigail.

When we told her our plans she cried and expressed her confusion and disappointment. But when we visited a new church last Sunday she was brave and even excited when the service was over. Then came CNC.

I had a feeling bringing her back so soon and putting her in a familiar place with familiar people might set us back but I had no idea how much it would affect her. It also didn't help when Abigail hugged her at the end of the day and said "See you tomorrow!" She lost it.

She cried all the way home. I tried to distract her by talking about the conference and the fun time she had but all she could do was talk about how every year all the girls wear their tiaras to church on Sunday morning. And she wanted to wear hers too. And sit with her best friend.

So we caved.

She knew it was just for one Sunday and that next week we would try another new place. And I knew that taking her back today would only make next week harder.

I'm not sure where God is leading us. I'm not sure what He has in store for our family. But I know He's used TSC to bring genuine joy and love for Jesus to my little girl's heart and given her a confidence found only in Christ. And for that I will forever be grateful.