You see, next we headed to the Avis counter for our rental car which sounds easier than it was. RubyDooby had made the reservation a while ago and requested a “large luxury model” to accommodate our substantial posse. We were told by the not-so-helpful lady at the counter to head for H5. There we would find our car with the keys in the door. That’s great except she didn’t hand us any paperwork, only a note with H5 written on it. We managed to find the garage (no small task due to aforementioned disorientation) and stood there staring in disbelief at the car in H5. It was a Hyundai Sonata. Ummm….yeah. So there we were deliriously exhausted and giddy trying to cram all of our luggage, a booster seat, 4 adults and 1 child into a compact car. We then drive up to the gate attendant who promptly asks to see our car contract which we don’t have. We must have looked ridiculous and worthy of his sympathy because he bought our sad story and said he’d settle for a drivers license. After searching for RubyDooby’s name he informs us that we’re in the wrong car. You heard me. We were supposed to get H9. So we find the right car (A Mercury Marquee or as I like to call it, the Big Blue Boat), pile out of the Sonata like clowns at the circus, transfer our luggage and our lifeless bodies and head on our way. We crashed in our hotel at approximately 2:30am CST. Good times.
(Please note: This photo is a re-enactment of actual events)
Friday morning we embarked on the Handiman Historical Tour. This was the day that RubyDooby & Gator would show Handiman where he lived as a baby. It was fun to watch them reminisce and revisit their past. Althought Handiman was the designated driver for the entire trip, Gator still wanted to be in charge. It was not so fun to watch him try to recall how to get around in a city he hasn’t lived in for 45 years. Thankfully, we had a GPS system that had been loaned to us by Handiman’s uncle. He had nicknamed it “Hillary” because “she’s never wrong and she never shuts up.” Hee Hee.RubyDooby, Handiman and I were all glad to have Hillary, but Gator…not so much. He’s not a big fan of technology and also not much for other people being in control. And also, I should go ahead and mention he’s not a big fan of people. Especially people in mass quantities. So, this was going to be fun right? Yeah. Gator refused to hook Hillary up for the first hour or so and we drove haplessly through the streets of Alameda before RubyDooby badgered him into trying it. Surprisingly, we arrived at our destination 5 minutes later. Go figure.
We found the house they lived in when Handiman was born and the old air base where Gator was stationed in the Navy. (Handiman informed me that the base is the location where Mythbuster’s films a lot of their stunts. So if you’ve ever seen that show, there you have it!) It is also home to a museum filled with old war ships. If you know Handiman very well, you know about his irrational fear of large boats. If you don’t know him well, I haven’t the time or energy to explain it. Just trust me. They freak him out in the worst way. So, he was basically in the middle of his worst nightmare. His hands started shaking almost immediately and I began snapping pictures and making crazy fun of him. It’s called tough love people.
We then found the church they attended and I was informed that once upon a time Handiman was “baby of the week” at Central Baptist Church. We went inside to take a look around and give him the chance to sign autographs for his adoring fans but they were about to start their Good Friday service so we didn’t linger. We headed for lunch at a little known California eatery called Applebee’s. We then took a stroll on Alameda beach and enjoyed the beautiful sunshine. Not to brag but it was sunny and in the mid to upper 60’s every single day of our trip.
Handiman's childhood home:
Handiman's childhood church:
Handiman and The Big Blue Boat:
Alameda Beach:
Once our time in Alameda was over we drove through Oakland. This gave RubyDooby the chance to show us all the offices she’d worked in and it gave me the chance to think about MC Hammer cause that’s just what the Oaktown means to me. Once we were there Handiman got a brilliant idea. It turned out we weren’t very far from the UC Berkeley campus and he wanted to see some bonafide California liberals up close. I was well aware of Berkeley reputation for radical protests back in the day and even now with their ridiculous protest of the Marines. I was not, however, aware of the Crazy Tree People. These were the folks Handiman was looking for and he wouldn’t stop til he found them. After circling the campus a few times he decided to do what every red-blooded Tennessee boy does. He stopped to ask a friendly parking attendant ON THE BERKLEY CAMPUS!!! “Excuse me sir. Where can I find the people who live in the trees?” I would have gladly died in that moment.
The parking attendant ended up being very helpful and gave Handiman the disappointing news that the Crazy Tree People had vacated the trees and would not be returning as the trees had been cut down. He somehow picked up that we were tourist and asked where we were from. Turns out he lived in Nashville years ago and required no further explanation from us as to why we were so clueless and idiotic. After that, I got a little bold and suggested we make some signs that say “Rush is Right!” and “Sean Hannity for President!” that we could parade around but no one was with me.
That night, Little Ocho had endured enough car-riding and fruitless searches for Crazy Tree People and she was finally rewarded with the one and only thing she wanted out of this entire trip; A nighttime swim in the hotel’s indoor pool. She’s a simple girl.
That night we turned in early because Saturday would be chock full of fun. Tune in tomorrow for Tales from Alcatraz.
Once our time in Alameda was over we drove through Oakland. This gave RubyDooby the chance to show us all the offices she’d worked in and it gave me the chance to think about MC Hammer cause that’s just what the Oaktown means to me. Once we were there Handiman got a brilliant idea. It turned out we weren’t very far from the UC Berkeley campus and he wanted to see some bonafide California liberals up close. I was well aware of Berkeley reputation for radical protests back in the day and even now with their ridiculous protest of the Marines. I was not, however, aware of the Crazy Tree People. These were the folks Handiman was looking for and he wouldn’t stop til he found them. After circling the campus a few times he decided to do what every red-blooded Tennessee boy does. He stopped to ask a friendly parking attendant ON THE BERKLEY CAMPUS!!! “Excuse me sir. Where can I find the people who live in the trees?” I would have gladly died in that moment.
The parking attendant ended up being very helpful and gave Handiman the disappointing news that the Crazy Tree People had vacated the trees and would not be returning as the trees had been cut down. He somehow picked up that we were tourist and asked where we were from. Turns out he lived in Nashville years ago and required no further explanation from us as to why we were so clueless and idiotic. After that, I got a little bold and suggested we make some signs that say “Rush is Right!” and “Sean Hannity for President!” that we could parade around but no one was with me.
That night, Little Ocho had endured enough car-riding and fruitless searches for Crazy Tree People and she was finally rewarded with the one and only thing she wanted out of this entire trip; A nighttime swim in the hotel’s indoor pool. She’s a simple girl.
That night we turned in early because Saturday would be chock full of fun. Tune in tomorrow for Tales from Alcatraz.
1 comment:
Well, I'm glad you went all the way to San Fran to eat at Applebees. Do you not watch the food network? I'm sure there are some great hotdog places there:) Clowns-circus-car incident made me laugh out loud. I could picture it so clearly.
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