So, this is how it feels?

I feel terrible.

Not sick terrible. Or sad terrible. Or even I have to substitute teach terrible.

I feel Guilty Mom terrible.

Now, let me start by saying that I know I have plenty of friends who have been dealing with this dilemma for many years. And they're going to want to give me a hearty "suck it up and get over it." But I also have plenty of friends who've never had to deal with this. And to them I would like to say "this stinks."

For the first time in my daughter's life, she's sick and I'm not with her. She's on her way to the doctor right now. And I'm not with her.

I knew the day I started working that his moment was on it's way. I mean, eventually kids throw up. It's just what they do.

So at about 6:00am I had a decision to make. Work or stay home? There wasn't much time to wrestle with myself over it since I had to leave home by 7:00 to make it to work on time. So I did what any independent-minded, self sufficient 39 year old woman would do.

I called my Mommy.

This is the same Mommy who had to beg for help from friends and relatives when I was a young puking cherub. Back then, she was on her own and missing a day of work just wasn't an option. So, she was actually kind of excited the opportunity had come her way today.

She offered to take care of her for the day. And make her toast. And rub her head. And keep her warm. And call the doctor. And make the appointment. And take her to the appointment.

All the things I'm supposed to be doing right now.

And I don't even want to go into how my heart broke when the Ocho started to cry on the way to Grandmommy's house because I couldn't stay with her. Nope. Don't get me started on that.

Of course, I realize what a tremendous blessing it is to have a mom so close by who's willing to help. And, most days, The Ocho would much rather be at her house anyway.

But I still feel terrible.

I know many of you are thinking "Why didn't' you just take a sick day? You've subbed enough in the past 2 weeks to deserve it." (And if you're not thinking that, you should be!)

The truth is, we're already down a couple of teachers and not many subs are available. Those that are probably wouldn't feel comfortable teaching computer. (I teach it every week and I still don't feel comfortable.) So, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

If I had stayed home, I probably would have spent the day feeling terrible for missing work.

So, you see my dilemma.

The bottom line is Guilty Mom syndrome is the pits. And I'm pretty sure it's a recurring illness that gets worse instead of better with time.