My High School Memoir

Tonight I'll be attending the baccalaureate service for my friend Big Nanny's daughter. With all the graduation talk going on in my circles lately, it’s had me thinking. While I’m not bold (or crazy) enough to post my senior picture here as Big Nanny urged me to do, I would like to share with you my five fondest memories of high school:

1. Being a majorette in the marching band. I began band in junior high and wanted desperately to play the flute. What I didn’t know was every girl starting out wants to play the flute. And a band full of flutes does not work very well at pep rallies. So, some of us had to settle for the clarinet. I wasn’t exceptional but I wasn’t terrible either. I kept it up in high school mostly because a band geek without the band is just a….well, you know….a geek. My freshman year I found out that there was a small group of kids immersed in band geekiness that the rest of the school considered partially cool: The majorettes! Figuring this might be my one and only shot at greatness I took some twirling lessons over the summer and tried out. Soon I was one of 6 baton-slinging, sequin-sparkling, knee-high boot wearing majorettes. And people actually did start treating me a little differently. Please make no mistake. I wasn't “cheerleader popular", but majorette popular was still a step up.

2. Singing in Concert Choir. When I was in elementary school, our music minister at church chose me to sing a solo in our Christmas program. It was the 2nd verse of The First Noel. I still to this day don’t know why he singled me out for the honor. Until that time, I was completely unaware that I had any kind of musical inclinations. After that, I still didn’t pursue it much. Singing meant people staring at you and I was allergic to that. It wasn’t until high school that I thought it might be fun to take a choir class. My teacher was Mrs. Madelyn Parsons. She was a middle-aged, never married, angry, bitter and sometimes intoxicated woman who probably at one time dreamt of singing on Broadway or at The Met. Instead she was stuck teaching a bunch of ungrateful teenage punks Gershwin. If you think I’m kidding about the intoxicated part, I’m not. She was famous for showing up to every single performance completely hammered. I have no idea how she got away with it. Actually, I do have one idea. She was dating the school's superintendent. She terrified almost everybody but I secretly loved her. She was the first person in my life (who wasn’t related to me) that thought I had talent and encouraged me in it. My sophomore year she gave me a coveted spot in an ensemble groomed for competitions and concerts. I remember it was a very big deal and I was incredibly intimidated. But it gave me a reason to believe in myself in a way that nothing else ever had.

3. High School Musicals. Mrs. Parsons pulled me into her office one day during my Junior year and told me I should think of trying out for our school’s production of “Annie”. She was obviously overlooking the fact that I never spoke out loud to anyone and when I was forced to, I couldn’t look them in the eye for fear of exploding from fear. It didn't seem like acting was a great idea. I have no recollection of the audition but I’m pretty sure I only did it because I was more afraid of Mrs. Parson’s than an open casting call. I was given the role of Grace Farrell and soon found I was much more comfortable on a stage than in personal conversation. The next year I got the role of Tuptim in “The King and I”. My high school crush, Stephen, played my love interest in that one which caused me to giggle quite a bit.

4. Speaking of Stephen.... I’ve decided to put him on my list not because he turned out to be the love of my life. I never saw him again after graduation. But he taught me a great lesson, so I’m going to count him. Stephen and I had grown up going to church together. He was actually a grade behind me but he was extremely cute. Age is just a number anyway, right? I pined away for him secretly for many years and then he started dating a friend of mine so all bets were off. They actually went out for about a year and then broke up. They did the whole “we’re still friends” thing which confused a lot of us but I chose to see it as God’s open door. My senior year I decided to take a bold step and ask him to the prom. I KNOW! Can you even believe I would do such a thing? Me either. I asked my friend’s permission and she encouraged me. She thought it would be great and said he really liked me. Can you see it coming?. One night I summoned every ounce of courage I had and “popped the question”. He said yes and I felt like Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink. I bought a new dress and walked around on cloud nine for many days afterward. Then, it happened. I started hearing rumors that he and my friend were seen out and about together so I confronted her. She confirmed that they were indeed dating again and …”oh yeah, by the way, he can’t take you to the prom. He’s taking me.” I was crushed. I cried harder than I ever had in my life and walked around for the next few weeks in teenage anguish. And I didn’t even have a Duckie waiting in the wings! I tell you what I did have though. A girlfriend who called me up the night of the prom and said a few girls without dates were going anyway. They begged me to put on my dress, hold my head up high and enjoy my Senior Prom. So that’s what I did. I KNOW!!! Can you believe I did that? Me either. Well, Stephen and my "friend" were both surprised to see me there and were actually really nice. I think we even ended up in a group picture together for the yearbook. Weird. I think I only stayed at the dance for about 45 minutes and then went home to watch TV. But for those 45 minutes, I was Molly Ringwald.

5. My graduation baccalaureate service. I had spent most of my high school life in misery. I wasn’t pretty, smart, popular or ambitious. I looked around and saw a bunch of kids who seemed to have it all together and I just felt aimless and lost. By graduation time I had decided to attend Judson College, an all women’s school only 30 minutes away from home. It was a small, Christian school with a good music program and it was the only school I ever considered. I was going to major in music mostly because it was the only thing I really felt I was good at. I didn’t have any expectations for a great career. It was just the next thing on the list of things I was supposed to do. Then, on the night before graduation, the speaker at our baccalaureate service said something that completely transformed my life. He basically told us that when we got to college we would be given something very rare in life, a new beginning. We had the opportunity to completely reinvent ourselves. We could do away with all of those things that we didn't like, forget our past mistakes and mis-steps and become the child of God He intended us to be. I remember being instantly exhilarated and determined to take those words to heart. Over the summer I went shopping for new clothes, changed my hair, and talked myself into giving the impression I was somebody who enjoyed talking to people. And you know what? It worked. My college experience was the most pivotal time in my life and God used the “new and improved” me to do things I never would have imagined for myself.

I graduated from Selma High School in 1986. That was 22 years ago. (Wow. That was painful to type.) In some ways it feels like the girl I was then doesn’t even exist anymore, but deep down I know she does. She’s still shy, insecure and more desperate to please others than she should be. As I look forward to guiding the Little Ocho through the high school experience in a few years, I will take these lessons with me and share what I’ve learned. I'll encourage her to find something she loves to do and do it. I'll insists that she not be afraid to try new things. I'll urge her to become who she wants to be, not who other’s say she should be. And most importantly, I will advise her to never go out with her friend’s ex-boyfriend. It’s just generally a really bad idea.