My friend posted this today. I actually received the very same email forward a couple of months ago and sent it straight to my fruit bowl. One of them saw Melissa's post today and urged me to give them all their assignments. OK Peeps, here you go:
1. When you are sad -- I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on mountain dew.
No doubt, this is my little "booster seat" Nicole. In just a couple of years, all of our kids will be taller than her but I guarantee she will be able to kick their behinds for years to come. She’s tiny, but she’s mean. Just ask the poor employees at Wendy’s, the receptionist at her OB/GYN office or Jesse Jones. If she’s your friend, she will defend you against all evil. If she’s not? Well then, it stinks to be you. (By the way, I am allowed to make fun of her height because I know she loves me. If you don't have the same assurance, I wouldn't advise it.)
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
This is Trisha. She is the maker of the lists, the planner of the play days, the cooker of the feasts, the owner of the houseboat and the driver of the road trips. But most of all, she’s the solver of the problems. She’s the glue that holds our bunch together. Without her, we’d have given up on girl’s night long ago. And her brownies? They heal all wounds.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
I will confess that I am the prank instigator of the group, but if I need a willing accomplice I know I can call Ashley. Sure she looks all sweet and innocent with her Ann Taylor Loft clothes and her versatile hairstyles, but make no mistake. Girlfriend is sneaky. Which is why I've never pranked her. Hmmmmmmmmm. I may need to look into that little oversight.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
This makes me think of Shelly. She’s the funniest, most self-deprecating of the bunch. And since we all have so much fun at her expense I guess she’s entitled to give a little back to us. And plus, she's usually so medicated she's not scared of anything........except the guest room headboard. Oh how I wish I had enough time to explain all of that to you. But I don't.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
This has got to be Andrea. I like to think of her as little miss reality-check. Every girlfriend group needs an Andrea. If you’re not looking for an honest answer to a question, don’t even bother asking her. She’s never mean about it, but she doesn’t pull any punches either. What I love most about her is that for every time she has to tell you to get over yourself, there are a million other times she’s the first one to cry with you.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
I can’t look at this one without thinking of Tracey. And then laughing out loud. I can just hear her trying to explain to grown adults how to pass papers around in Sunday school or play a board game. And heaven help us if we ever get a slow waiter who doesn't understand her "special order". She doesn’t have the highest tolerance for ignorance and neither do I. That must be why we love each other so.
7. When you are sick -- Stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
Sweet Robyn. She puts the freak in clean freak. Yes, she carries Clorox wipes on every trip we take together. Yes, she obsesses over touching door knobs and sleeping on hotel sheets and not walking on floors in the condo at the beach before she mops them. But when we have a party she always insists on cleaning up and washing the dishes to make sure it’s done correctly. So, we don’t mind her freakishness so much.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy self!
This has to Angela, the only member of our group with the word "Minister" in her title. Why did I choose Angela? Because I have fallen in front of her and she did point and laugh. Loudly. Of course, I fell because I was foolishly trying to board a jet ski that she was driving. She thinks it’s particularly funny to try and kill people with aquatic recreational vehicles. But I think it’s funny when she tries to dance, so it all evens out in the end.
So, there you have it my peeps. This is what I really think of you. And I love that not one of you will be remotely surprised.
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5 comments:
I will tell you by far this is my favorite post you have ever written! I sitting here laughing so hard I am crying! If I go into labor from laughing too hard I promise I will get you a special gift to thank you! That is what real friendship is about! Thank you for not sharing all the other people in the world I have unleashed my intolerance on. You could not have described each one more perfectly! And I do love you!
Sadly, I am pretty sure I gave up my prankster ways when I had one go very, very bad, OH SAY...right at 3 years ago (not that I am keeping track, my counselor said to let it go- he he).
But then again, if there is something good to get in on...
I'm not going to lie...I do laugh when other people fall off of jetski's because it's the best funny that money can buy. Also, I would like to point out that the first time you fell off of a jetski I was not driving the jetski...Shelley was. I'm just not so sure that your gifted at the watersports like I am. You obviously have some balance issues. And Nicole if you want to go into labor...all ya gotta do is get on the back of the jetski I'm driving and it's DONE!
That was perfect! I laughed. Then I laughed some more.
Angela's right - it is super funny when you fall off a jet ski.
Shelly
I know I like to keep illness at a distance and touching objects that have been stroked by hundreds of people that don't understand the importance of hand washing does bother me, but did you have to use the word freak. I would really prefer something a little more flattering. However, I did read with a big smile on my face. Thanks for the laugh. Love ya.
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