Pool Etiquette 101

Here were are only 2 weeks into June and already I have a laundry list of complaints about my neighborhood pool. I realize that I am privileged to have access to such a facility and believe me, I do not take it for granted. If it weren't for this oasis in our suburban desert I would go stark raving mad. We're there on average 4 hours a day, 3 to 4 times a week. I am relishing the fact that I have reached the glory days of parenting; the days when my daughter can swim virtually unsupervised and I can lounge in my chair reading a book, looking at a magazine or chatting with a friend. It's almost as satisfying as the day she learned to pump her legs on the swing. However, with this new-found freedom I have more time to focus on my surroundings and let me tell you, I'm not liking what I see.

I will now utilize this forum to get a few things off my chest.

Attention mothers! Just because you have kids who can swim unsupervised doesn't mean you have relinquished your powers at a parent. They are still your responsibility. I repeat, THEY ARE STILL YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!

Now that we have that straight, let's ask ourselves a few questions.
Did you child bring those toys to the pool your child is playing with?
If not, have you taught your child how to politely ask to play with a pool toy that's not theirs?
If not, can you explain to him it's not necessarily considered nice to yank a bucket out of a 3 year old's hands in the baby pool and say "Hey! I wanna play with that!"
Also, if you see your child squirting, splashing or trying to dive on top of other kids, how about you tell them to stop? And how about you tell them in a way that will demand immediate compliance and not say things like "sweet Charlie, you should splash the baby softer. And little Johnny darling, give the little girl a chance to come up for air before you land on her doing a cannonball. Good job cutie pie!"

Speaking of pool toys. This toy is from the devil. There is no need for it in a public pool, especially when placed in the hands of a homicidal 5 year old boy.

If you are 9 months pregnant, nobody in the free world wants to see you in a bikini. I don't care if your name is Heidi Klume. We do not want to see that so Cover. It. Up.

The American Association of Pediatrics recommends that no baby under 6 months wear sunscreen. Logically then, one would assume there is no need for a 3 week old to be at the pool IN A BIKINI.

If you're buying an intertube on clearance at Target, be sure and check the dimensions before taking it home and inflating it. Otherwise, you might find it's the size of a small life raft.

If you recognize someone at the pool as a friend of a friend, but you've never actually met them, please walk up and introduce yourself. Don't start sending text messages to your mutual friend and eavesdropping on their conversations. Because when they find out (and they will find out!) they will be officially creeped out by you and develop acute paranoia each time they go swimming.

If you have a teenage girl who's allowed to wear a string bikini, please encourage her to wear a cover up on her walk to the pool. Also, if she told you she's just going to the pool to "hang out with her girlfriends" she's lying.

And finally, you might want to mention to your kids that it's not really nice to refer to a 40-something man at the pool with his daughter as "the old man". As in "did we just hit that old man?" or "Is that old man talking to us?" Because it will hurt his feelings and then he'll tell his wife and then she'll think it's the funniest thing in the world and post it on her blog. And you don't want your kids to instigate all that, do you?

Happy Swimming!